Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People that think they know you better than you know yourself, is the reason why throat punching was invented

   You'll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.

   Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.

   iPhone covers are like condoms. You don't want to, but you kind of have to...

   I'm not antisocial. I'm pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.

   YES!!!!!!!!!!!!.....................................................oh sorry, I was just repeating what I heard last night.

   LIFE HACK: Living out of your car isn't so bad if you keep telling yourself you're "on tour"

   Click "Like" if you agree that I don't need your validation

   Dear whoever is playing sweet child o' mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!

   When in a relationship, a real man doesn't make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman

   He who does not understand your silence, is crazy and will probably not understand your words.

   Before thinking about changing the world for your favour, think about your teeth first. IF you change your mind, you might change the world.

   LBJ. 36th President or Mexican porn star??

   never really understood why Clark Griswold lusted after Christie Brinkley, when he had a smoking hot wife like Beverly D'Angelo!!

   Forget the melting polar ice caps, the most devastating element of the future will surely be how many grandmas have tramp stamps.

   Nowhere in the nursery rhyme does it mention that Humpty Dumpty was an egg.

   I find it very curious how quickly the Bundy ranch standoff was resolve once Hary Reid's involvement with the Chinese Gov't to develop the same ranch land was discovered ..... LOL

   This Bundy ranch thing seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through just so Obama can have a ribeye

   I blew my nose and then wiped my ass on the same piece of toilet paper. Your move Al Gore

   Lightning is like God's way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"