Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 21:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kimye.......................In other news there is still a plane missing folks!!
←Rate | 05-23-2014 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You will unlikely ever be the oldest person on the planet, but for a brief moment you held the record for the youngest.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 19:27 by mikem Comments (0)  


   messageicon “GM’s alive and bin Laden’s dead” Wait a minute……
←Rate | 05-23-2014 19:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I don't judge you because your opinion differs from mine. I judge you because your opinion is imbecilic.” Yours or mine?!
←Rate | 05-23-2014 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I renamed my Ancestry.com file folder to Edit DNA to mess with archaeologists in the future...
←Rate | 05-23-2014 18:48 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Living life with the safety off.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon take the d out of a bandana and you get a banana but if you put the d in a banana you get asked to leave the supermarket
←Rate | 05-23-2014 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beat it. Beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Shongda hupfucky. Homga shuntvight. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *introduces girlfriend to dad* “what are your intentions with my son? I hope you don’t want to turn his shirts into pyjamas then leave him”
←Rate | 05-23-2014 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing has ever bothered me more than when a math question ended with “how many people does it take?” and your answer had a fraction.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 14:34 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was so ugly as a child that the local pedophile used to eat his own candy.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jesus take the wheel I'm taking a selfie.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 13:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Young man, does your mother know you ask girls for nudes on social media?
←Rate | 05-23-2014 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an Atheist isn't a choice. It is merely a side effect of being highly intelligent.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 13:17 Comments (4)  


   messageicon "Just be yourself" doesn't work if you suck.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like a surprise package. You never know what you are gonna get with them.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 13:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know many Idiot Savants, just not with the Savant part.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 11:28 by KPiccolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried killing a spider with glitter body spray. Now it won't stop stripping and I have to call it Cinnamon.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 10:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so sick of all these Happy videos that I am really starting to get depressed.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 10:15 Comments (0)  




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