Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Arkansas is like a pretty bimbo who's a lousy lay. Nice to look at but not very stimulating.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 06:35 by Dude Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its Memorial Day Weekend and we have the media shoving Kanye & Kim’s wedding down out throats? I doubt this is what our fallen solders of WWII fought so bravely to defeat the Nazi’s. On behalf of them I am sorry.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 05:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It sad how some losers are giving us a minute-by-minute update on Kanye & Kim wedding. If you were that important to them I am sure they would have sent you an invite.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 03:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim and Kanye get married. Who cares? Ain't nobody got time for that....
←Rate | 05-24-2014 22:22 by Rick Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 22:18 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 18:48 by SteveC Comments (0)  


   messageicon First to stand, Last to fall. Face the danger, Kill 'em All
←Rate | 05-24-2014 16:53 by RJB224 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
←Rate | 05-24-2014 16:52 by RJB224 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you wake up the next morning laying in bed next to the one you just fell in love with and you lay there trying to remember their name? GOD I MISS MY 20'S!
←Rate | 05-24-2014 14:13 by scott92104 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much for the antidepressants? Ma'am those are puppies.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any man who turns water into wine is a friend of mine.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Tim Burton slams hands on table* WTF DO you MEAN THERE ARE OTHER ACTORS BESIDES JOHNNY DEPP & MY WIFE *turns to Depp* HOW LONG HAVE you KNOWN
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Jesus at the bar] "Oh, I'll just have a water" *winks at camera*
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eats entire contents of kitchen while waiting for pizza delivery
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my family gatherings like I like my steak. Rare
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's your emergency? Me: I can't get out of a conversation 911: That's not- Me: HE'S A VEGAN ATHEIST! 911: Dispatching SWAT now, Sir.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon vergetarians, I ask this: when you see a spider on the kitchen floor, do you 1). step on it or 2). take it to the SPCA to be "saved"?
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Inspire someone to leave the house, by setting it on fire.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My field of dreams is just a fully stocked liquor store.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:45 Comments (0)  




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