Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon who cares when the next full moon happens
←Rate | 06-12-2014 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon October 13, 2000 was the last full moon on Friday the 13th. The next will be October 13, 2049. Check your facts SULLY.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 15:51 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Sometimes you can get noticed by using wit and charm. Other times, stare in their window. Staring in their window always gets you noticed.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 14:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I party until the vodka tells me she loves me.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 14:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to remember someone's name is to slap them
←Rate | 06-12-2014 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wondering if celebrities hang pictures in their homes of famous restaurant owners.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 10:35 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some mermaids never marry, they just end up with like 200 catfish.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Luke Skywalker never found a girlfriend because he was looking for love in Alderaan places.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 10:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Email your congressman and demand recognition for Precedents Day! So what if we never had one before.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 10:12 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got more spam from AmishGuy -- I am starting to wonder if it's legit.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've had no trouble feeding my boa constrictor since I found those free kittens on Craiglist.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 10:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex so good...she even made the neighbor a sandwich.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen science. I see all your progress with erectile dysfunction and all. And that's great. But yo. Wireless phone chargers. For realsies.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don't be me.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:32 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I'll take lookout.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Fill 'er up, please", I say as I pull my van up to the cat shelter.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:26 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we're taking it slow now.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Make the best out of a bad situation by ignoring it.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 20 years ago today the famous OJ Simpson white Bronco chase. As you know he would later be found not guilty in a Calafornia court of murder...Ironically.... He wakes up this morning in JAIL !!! Gotta love Karma!!!
←Rate | 06-12-2014 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When did old skanks become cougars?
←Rate | 06-12-2014 06:17 by Dude Comments (0)  




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