Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1916 of 6446

who cares when the next full moon happens
←Rate |
06-12-2014 17:21
Comments (0)

October 13, 2000 was the last full moon on Friday the 13th. The next will be October 13, 2049. Check your facts SULLY.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 15:51
Comments (3)

Sometimes you can get noticed by using wit and charm. Other times, stare in their window. Staring in their window always gets you noticed.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 14:38 by Baddie
Comments (0)

I party until the vodka tells me she loves me.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 14:17 by Baddie
Comments (0)

The best way to remember someone's name is to slap them
←Rate |
06-12-2014 13:54
Comments (0)

Wondering if celebrities hang pictures in their homes of famous restaurant owners.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 10:35 by markf
Comments (0)

Some mermaids never marry, they just end up with like 200 catfish.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 10:27
Comments (0)

Luke Skywalker never found a girlfriend because he was looking for love in Alderaan places.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 10:16
Comments (0)

Email your congressman and demand recognition for Precedents Day! So what if we never had one before.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 10:12 by markf
Comments (0)

Just got more spam from AmishGuy -- I am starting to wonder if it's legit.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 10:06
Comments (0)

I've had no trouble feeding my boa constrictor since I found those free kittens on Craiglist.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 10:05
Comments (0)

Sex so good...she even made the neighbor a sandwich.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 09:52
Comments (0)

Listen science. I see all your progress with erectile dysfunction and all. And that's great. But yo. Wireless phone chargers. For realsies.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 09:37
Comments (0)

Here's a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don't be me.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 09:32 by Baddie
Comments (0)

Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I'll take lookout.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 09:27
Comments (0)

"Fill 'er up, please", I say as I pull my van up to the cat shelter.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 09:26 by Baddie
Comments (0)

She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we're taking it slow now.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 09:19 by Baddie
Comments (0)

Make the best out of a bad situation by ignoring it.
←Rate |
06-12-2014 08:24
Comments (0)

20 years ago today the famous OJ Simpson white Bronco chase. As you know he would later be found not guilty in a Calafornia court of murder...Ironically.... He wakes up this morning in JAIL !!! Gotta love Karma!!!
←Rate |
06-12-2014 08:07
Comments (0)

When did old skanks become cougars?
←Rate |
06-12-2014 06:17 by Dude
Comments (0)