love Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I hear an Italian say that they love Olive Garden, to me that translates to, "My mama was a lousy cook."

   After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time. Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

   Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have s-e-x, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

   Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

   A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.

   How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

   America: love it or leave it. L left.

   Would love to be British. Drinking my leaf water and staring at a huge clock from my red phone booth, adding extra letters to wourds.

   "I love candles. What's with the knives? Wait, stop. Please stop!" - Pumpkin

   Love this time of year when I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display.

   I drink to forget that I accidentally once said " I love you" when ending a call with a customer service rep.

   You used to be able to tell a finicky child his meal was made with love. Now they double check if it's gluten-free love.

   All I know about love I've learned from my dogs, which is when someone scratches your back you should roll over and show them your nipples.

   Honk if you Love Trump. Drive into a Tree if you Love Hillary.

   Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night.

   Love corn mazes because they're a festive way to feel like you might never escape the hellish walls you're surrounded by.

   Ok straight up, ladies. I love and respect all of you, but you all know how you can be when you're PMS'n. Do we really want a woman for president. I rest my case ! ! !

   The only thing more romantic than true love is getting hit by a train.

   Quit telling everyone how much you love Fall, you psychopath.

   She calls it "making love." I call it "trying to destroy her."