Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memories of all the faces that have been buried here..."

   Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memorie of all those who died here?"

   All these folks that use to be a Heat Fan...are now a wherever He-At fan.....

   Siri, how do I unburn a jersey?

   So the Miami Heat lose LeBron James to the Cleveland Cavs... so what!?! Let me know when they lose Justin Bieber to steam roller.

   The 2 living Popes come from the final 2 remaining countries in the World Cup. Checkmate Atheists!!

   Luis Suarez has signed with barcelona for 70 million euros...that's a big bite out of the team's budget!

   Have you ever been at the beach and looked at the face of a scantly-clad teenager and think; "Jail Bait." But than look at her body and wonder just how much jail time they are talking about?

   The worst sanction on Vladimer Putin from USA: if we send Justin Bieber to Russia!

   If you can't handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out

   Dude I'm in my prime, you don't need the roofies.

   I just want to hang out with some people whose asses I don't have to wipe. Is that too much to ask.?

   X says •••note to self•••- I look pretty crazy talking to myself about notes.

   If my girlfriend really loved me she would be Megan Fox.

   Do you consider it as an insult to be hit on by a gay guy? YES - t hums d0wn NO - t humbs Uo

   f your cat really loved you it would be a dog.

   It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

   My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.

   It's called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.

   If you can talk your wife into having sex, you could score with anybody.