Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ladies... When they say it's all downhill after 40... Just know.... They're talking about gravity!
←Rate | 07-21-2014 23:47 by Dani Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
←Rate | 07-21-2014 23:04 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just when I got the best place to hide a body, I forgot who I lent my shovel. . .
←Rate | 07-21-2014 22:11 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If silly putty would have applied itself,,, it could have been serious putty.
←Rate | 07-21-2014 21:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know that Hamas and ceasefire should be used in the same sentence...
←Rate | 07-21-2014 20:02 by J4P Comments (0)  


   messageicon President Obama called for the immediate cessation of hostilities in Gaza today. He went on to warn that if there isn't a peace treaty signed by both sides on his desk by the end of the week, that he has a phone and a pen. "My Will Be Done" -- B. Hussein
←Rate | 07-21-2014 15:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out
←Rate | 07-21-2014 14:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.
←Rate | 07-21-2014 14:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When India travel, the short ball is always expected to be a factor. Not when they bowl, though. Not until today. #engvind#cricket
←Rate | 07-21-2014 13:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can anyone think 295 people dying is funny?
←Rate | 07-21-2014 11:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Glasgow yesterday. People of Glasgow did not know they had a library.
←Rate | 07-21-2014 06:42 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I wanted your opinion I would have married you.
←Rate | 07-21-2014 06:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I Love You just the Way You Are" is the best compliment ever.
←Rate | 07-21-2014 02:07 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sh*t-Ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
←Rate | 07-20-2014 22:07 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
←Rate | 07-20-2014 20:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
←Rate | 07-20-2014 20:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
←Rate | 07-20-2014 20:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
←Rate | 07-20-2014 20:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What idiot called it "hitting the snooze button" and not "clock blocking"?
←Rate | 07-20-2014 20:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon do we have any world leaders or are they to busy playing golf ,pool and drinking beer ?
←Rate | 07-20-2014 18:05 Comments (0)  




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