Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1856 of 6386
Sex so good...she even made the neighbor a sandwich.
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06-12-2014 09:52
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Listen science. I see all your progress with erectile dysfunction and all. And that's great. But yo. Wireless phone chargers. For realsies.
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06-12-2014 09:37
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Here's a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don't be me.
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06-12-2014 09:32 by Baddie
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Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I'll take lookout.
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06-12-2014 09:27
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"Fill 'er up, please", I say as I pull my van up to the cat shelter.
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06-12-2014 09:26 by Baddie
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She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we're taking it slow now.
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06-12-2014 09:19 by Baddie
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Make the best out of a bad situation by ignoring it.
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06-12-2014 08:24
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20 years ago today the famous OJ Simpson white Bronco chase. As you know he would later be found not guilty in a Calafornia court of murder...Ironically.... He wakes up this morning in JAIL !!! Gotta love Karma!!!
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06-12-2014 08:07
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When did old skanks become cougars?
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06-12-2014 06:17 by Dude
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If you don't like Star Wars puns, you R2 boring for me.
I wonder if actors line their walls with autographed pictures of restaurant owners and dry cleaners.
Girl, this is gonna be an amazing night *bookcase rotates to reveal wall of wrestling DVDs* Ok, so which WrestleManias have you not seen
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06-12-2014 03:19
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When fat people spoon, is it called ladling?
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06-12-2014 03:18 by Baddie
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Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
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06-12-2014 03:11
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I may have found my coffee limit. I'm sitting on my hands to stop them from shaking. Related- I no longer need batteries.
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06-12-2014 03:10
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I'm pretty sure the cause of all divorces can be traced back to marriage.
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06-12-2014 02:49
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My relationship status went from being "single" to "still single"
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06-12-2014 02:46
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My order says "Family Meal". And I say, "I am a family of one"
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06-12-2014 00:21
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I REPEAT,,,, THE ESCAPED OCTOPUS IS HEAVILY ARMED
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06-11-2014 22:51 by snotty
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I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.