Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1856 of 6446

   messageicon Ebola guy in Atlanta .....if that does end up being an outbreak, everyone will at 1st just think it's The Walking Dead walkers.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 22:12 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there's only 36 shades of grey
←Rate | 08-02-2014 21:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a couple sharing the same facebook account I always want to ask them which one of you got caught having an affair
←Rate | 08-02-2014 20:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The CIA has admitted spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee. They didn't find any.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 17:30 by JM Comments (0)  


   messageicon it was sooo cold last winter that i'm still farting snow flakes in August
←Rate | 08-02-2014 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pour rubbing alcohol on yourself and set yourself on fire while your friends film it and post it in YouTube your an idiot. Your doing it wrong. Use gas
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The idea that you evolved from apes is disgusting. Isn't it nicer to believe you descended from one couple and their incestuous children?
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a girl with a big butt, searching for a man who cannot lie.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet Ke$ha's parents, €arl and £inda, are super ashamed of her.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:25 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The kiss of death is what happens after the "I do's"
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hitchhikers won't kill you if you kill them first.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry, but the lifestyle that you ordered is currently out of stock. Please select another...
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The music stopped for a second in the strip club and everyone heard me opening my Velcro wallet.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about drinking wine in a box is when you finish it, you can unfold the box and break dance on it....
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:43 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually, this is my first rodeo. Why is that angry cow trying to kill me?
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:31 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left