Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1856 of 6446

Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a tiny little Wiener. I was just checking to make sure that you are okay.
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08-03-2014 08:35 by MWC
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Women who request for a massage from a guy without a happy ending are delusional.
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08-03-2014 07:54
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New Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall movie idea, Coming to America II, with Ebola
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08-03-2014 07:43
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No, whenever there's trouble YOU seem to be around…officer.
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08-03-2014 07:25 by Baddie
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Late night 20 minute conversations with the McDonalds Drive thru guy about those who we aspire to love, the desolate restitution of our youth, and McNuggets. Because adulthood.
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08-03-2014 04:31 by Seth
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convinced I may be a vampire; a steak through the heart would probably kill me.
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08-03-2014 02:03
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I watch the Purge tonight and it's not a bad idea.
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08-03-2014 00:00 by Chimmy
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Ebola guy in Atlanta .....if that does end up being an outbreak, everyone will at 1st just think it's The Walking Dead walkers.
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08-02-2014 22:12 by Eddy
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I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there's only 36 shades of grey
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08-02-2014 21:05 by snotty
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When I see a couple sharing the same facebook account I always want to ask them which one of you got caught having an affair
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08-02-2014 20:48
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Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
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08-02-2014 19:02
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The CIA has admitted spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee. They didn't find any.
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08-02-2014 17:30 by JM
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it was sooo cold last winter that i'm still farting snow flakes in August
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08-02-2014 17:14
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If you pour rubbing alcohol on yourself and set yourself on fire while your friends film it and post it in YouTube your an idiot. Your doing it wrong. Use gas
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08-02-2014 14:55
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The idea that you evolved from apes is disgusting. Isn't it nicer to believe you descended from one couple and their incestuous children?
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08-02-2014 14:14
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Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"

People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.
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08-02-2014 12:39
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I'm just a girl with a big butt, searching for a man who cannot lie.
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08-02-2014 12:26
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I bet Ke$ha's parents, €arl and £inda, are super ashamed of her.
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08-02-2014 12:25 by Baddie
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The kiss of death is what happens after the "I do's"
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08-02-2014 12:24
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