Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a tiny little Wiener. I was just checking to make sure that you are okay.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 08:35 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who request for a massage from a guy without a happy ending are delusional.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 07:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall movie idea, Coming to America II, with Ebola
←Rate | 08-03-2014 07:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, whenever there's trouble YOU seem to be around…officer.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 07:25 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Late night 20 minute conversations with the McDonalds Drive thru guy about those who we aspire to love, the desolate restitution of our youth, and McNuggets. Because adulthood.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 04:31 by Seth Comments (0)  


   messageicon convinced I may be a vampire; a steak through the heart would probably kill me.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I watch the Purge tonight and it's not a bad idea.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 00:00 by Chimmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ebola guy in Atlanta .....if that does end up being an outbreak, everyone will at 1st just think it's The Walking Dead walkers.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 22:12 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there's only 36 shades of grey
←Rate | 08-02-2014 21:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a couple sharing the same facebook account I always want to ask them which one of you got caught having an affair
←Rate | 08-02-2014 20:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The CIA has admitted spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee. They didn't find any.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 17:30 by JM Comments (0)  


   messageicon it was sooo cold last winter that i'm still farting snow flakes in August
←Rate | 08-02-2014 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pour rubbing alcohol on yourself and set yourself on fire while your friends film it and post it in YouTube your an idiot. Your doing it wrong. Use gas
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The idea that you evolved from apes is disgusting. Isn't it nicer to believe you descended from one couple and their incestuous children?
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a girl with a big butt, searching for a man who cannot lie.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet Ke$ha's parents, €arl and £inda, are super ashamed of her.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:25 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The kiss of death is what happens after the "I do's"
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:24 Comments (0)  




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