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Financial planning? You mean being pretty?
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06-18-2014 14:41
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The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it's Science
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06-18-2014 14:22
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In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said the Bible is the most influential book she's ever read. Some people think she might be pandering to Southern Christian voters. Then Hillary said, "Oh come on y'all — little ol' me?"
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06-18-2014 14:10 by
Mark M
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Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
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06-18-2014 13:54
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For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me
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06-18-2014 13:48
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Being heckled during sex is the worst.
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06-18-2014 13:43
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You're so fabulous, I'm pretty sure you sh*t glitter.
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06-18-2014 13:29
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I once donated a pint of blood and the doctors were quite greatful. They said it contained enough alcohol to sterilize their equipment.
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06-18-2014 13:25
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Sometimes it is best not to talk unless you can improve on the silence.
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06-18-2014 13:15
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My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her. I just swam to the surface.
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06-18-2014 13:12
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Well, another family reunion ruined when Grandpa started talking about Grandma's dusty muffin again...
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06-18-2014 13:07
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If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
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06-18-2014 11:53
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What can I say about Kanye West that he already hasn't said himself?
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06-18-2014 11:47
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I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
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06-18-2014 11:30
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While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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06-18-2014 11:19
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What do you say when God sneezes?
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06-18-2014 11:18
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My wife will buy anything marked down. The other day she brought home an escalator.
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06-18-2014 11:11
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This homeless dude comes to me and ask for money. He said “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I said “Don’t worry. It still states the same.”
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06-18-2014 11:10
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I'd rather bathe with a cat than have a joint FB account...
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06-18-2014 10:02
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The best way to deal with voicemails is to simply not return them.
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06-18-2014 09:50
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