Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I like my women like I like my chinese food.... steamy, hot, and lots of doggie
←Rate | 08-09-2014 20:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
←Rate | 08-09-2014 13:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body prevents cellulite. But apparently you cant do it in Starbucks & now the cops are here
←Rate | 08-09-2014 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lost in Ikea for 271 days.. Spent hellish week in labyrinth of spoon organizers & I'm now in relationship with lamp named "BÖJA"... RESCUE ME
←Rate | 08-09-2014 09:50 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman is only sexy until she becomes a wife.
←Rate | 08-09-2014 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: You came home drunk last night! Me: I wasn't drunk! Her: You slept with your motorcycle helmet on...
←Rate | 08-08-2014 23:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I'd go to hell for.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 16:41 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If guys were smart, they'd forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 16:39 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tupac has been dead for 18 years and still makes albums and you can't text me back?
←Rate | 08-08-2014 16:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon How I feel when you complain about your boyfriend to me is how Yahoo feels when people use them to search for Google's homepage.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 16:34 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 16:32 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spoiler alert: Your '97 Nissan Sentra doesn't need one.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 16:29 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you'd like to know what I do for a living? So would I.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 15:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of moaning about how much your life sucks try getting drunk like normal people
←Rate | 08-08-2014 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon most girls go from 0 to 69 in 6 beers.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once shook hands with an arab and I have my hand to prove it
←Rate | 08-08-2014 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon girls look back at your wedding photos, if you are fatter than that, he is not happy..
←Rate | 08-08-2014 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Far from perfect like everyone else.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 07:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I accidentally stepped on this kid at the store all was well till I learnt his parents were called Lafonzo and Shaniqua
←Rate | 08-08-2014 05:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 02:32 Comments (0)  




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