Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1821 of 6386
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I'll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
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07-09-2014 14:31 by Mark M
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How much for this brick of gold? Sir, that's a block of cheese.
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07-09-2014 13:47 by Baddie
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I had to explain to my brother that a milf is supposed to be someone else's mother..
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07-09-2014 08:34
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As long as I have my hand up her skirt, she is my puppet.
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07-09-2014 08:32
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*gay guy hits on me* ME: I'm straight. GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet. If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...
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07-09-2014 08:26
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"Daddy, what happens when a person dies?" "Son, they get married and have kids"
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07-09-2014 08:19 by Baddie
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The only bad thing about not caring if the toilet paper roll goes under or over is forgetting which way you put it on while taking a dump in the dark
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07-09-2014 08:15
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I totally love and fully respect that you're a little bit slutty
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07-09-2014 08:13
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“The Force” is weird. How come a Jedi can detect a planet being destroyed light years away but can’t tell he is kissing his own sister?
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07-09-2014 08:12 by Baddie
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I have eggs in a carton in the back of the frig. I think they've been there for months. They now may be an I.E.D. I don't know what to do. Advise please, OVER?
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07-09-2014 08:09
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Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
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07-09-2014 04:12 by Huck
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Why swallow ur pride ,when you can make someone swallow their teeth
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07-09-2014 02:05
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Jeremy Meeks the hot convict set to get a $100,000 per month modelling contract. While with my college degree, I'm expected to earn in a year at the PEAK of my future career. I love how our society glorifies violent criminals when honest, hard-working peo
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07-08-2014 23:05
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"Who can I blame for my problems? Give me a minute, I'll find someone" - finger pointers and cowards alike
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07-08-2014 20:46
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The Germans ate Brazil for dinner. They were the wurst!
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07-08-2014 20:15
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Walking around Wal Mart with my left shoe off.
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07-08-2014 19:46
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You know perfect people are annoying because it is difficult to take advantage of them
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07-08-2014 19:27
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Tony Orlando loved to eat at the crack of Dawn.
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07-08-2014 19:16
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I guess that is what a Brazilian wax feels like.
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07-08-2014 19:01
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As usual the UN remains inactive in yet another massacre in Brazil #WorldCup2014
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07-08-2014 18:06
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