Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1811 of 6386
what base is it when your wife feels the bed shaking and says if you're going to jerk off do it on the couch?
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07-18-2014 13:34 by Baddie
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I just switched on Airplane mode on my phone. Fecking Russians launched missiles at it.
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07-18-2014 11:39 by Nipper
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How much for those babysitters? Um sir, those are iPads
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07-18-2014 10:27
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The best thing about depression is all the naps. Also the frequent snacks. Also the heavy drinking. The drugs are cool too.
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07-18-2014 10:25 by Baddie
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Weird that we don't see more pants on fire
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07-18-2014 10:19
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Hold on bro, let me turn this cassette over
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07-18-2014 10:17
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Everytime I see someone post those "5 beautiful selfies" thing I comment with "Apparently you missed the whole "beautiful" part. Because I'm rather sick of the whole concept.
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07-18-2014 09:06
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The whole "I got called out to post 5 beautiful selfies" thing is just yet another excuse/ploy for yet more attention for those women that constanly need it and need reassurance.
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07-18-2014 09:05
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Anyone wanna buy my Malaysian Airlines frequent flier miles?
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07-18-2014 08:40
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If you want to undertake a survey to judge the public’s mood or feeling about something, someone or an event, please do not include people on social media because 90% of them are idiots.
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07-18-2014 08:26
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You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
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07-18-2014 07:17
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"Going forward, we will only be selling one-way tickets." -Malaysian Airlines press release
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07-18-2014 07:02
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Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
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07-18-2014 03:33 by flinnie
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Can you give me the opposite of these words quickly: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down
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07-18-2014 01:39 by JasonC
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Note to self: Do NOT fly Malaysian Airlines.
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07-17-2014 22:16 by cpaman
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The Lakers are signing players like Nicolas Cage picks his movies.
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07-17-2014 19:52
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Malaysian Airlines will only be selling one way tickets from now on.....
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07-17-2014 17:04
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*at the cat shelter* Yes hi, where are the shopping carts?
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07-17-2014 16:59 by Baddie
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I could spend my day outside, but I'm sure there's plenty of p0rn that needs to be rated.
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07-17-2014 15:34 by Baddie
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