Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1792 of 6386
The worst thing about spanking a kid in Wal-Mart is that I have no idea who's kid this is.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:44 by Baddie
Comments (0)
Explain the rise and fall of the Roman empire. Use both sides of paper if necessary.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:34
Comments (0)
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will be far away from me with your bullsh*t.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:32
Comments (0)
'Rough day. Better make it a double.' - me at the cat shelter.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:29
Comments (0)
Who called it Scientology and not Cruise control?
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:25 by Baddie
Comments (0)
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:23 by Baddie
Comments (1)
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:23 by Baddie
Comments (0)
Mind if I ride in your midlife crisis?
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:19
Comments (0)
Kendall Jenner bought her own apartment for $1.4 million and I'm out here struggling to buy a Naked juice for $3
←Rate |
08-05-2014 14:08
Comments (0)
"Aggrevation", "Sorry", "Trouble", "Outburst". I think Hasboro knows my relationships.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 10:03
Comments (0)
I have witnessed some of the greatest friendships forged over a blunt and I have also witnessed some of the fakest friendships forged over a bible.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 09:04
Comments (0)
Kim Kardashian’s mobile game is making $700,000 EVERY DAY! That’s $29,166 per hour. That’s $486 every minute. That’s $8.10 every second. WHY DO WE KEEP MAKING IDIOTS RICH & FAMOUS? WHY OH WHY LORD?
←Rate |
08-05-2014 08:58
Comments (2)
If I've learned anything from movies, it's that the Chief or Police is always bl@ck.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 08:12
Comments (0)
If I've learned anything from movies, it's that the fat kid always plays catcher.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 07:23
Comments (0)
However lonely you feel, you’re never alone… There are literally millions of bugs, mites, and bacteria living in your house.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Justin Bieber Bragged That Miranda Kerr "Made Him a Man," Didn't know Miranda Kerr is a doctor specializing in pen*s transplantation.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 02:40 by Baddie
Comments (0)
Honey, I did the cutest thing while you were at work. I renamed "My Documents" folder on your computer to "Our Documents"
←Rate |
08-05-2014 02:10
Comments (0)
Some of my strongest friendships started with a blunt
←Rate |
08-05-2014 01:46
Comments (0)
You call it “binge drinking” I call it “making up for lost time when I could have been drinking” drinking.
←Rate |
08-05-2014 01:26
Comments (0)