Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1783 of 6385
No Grandma, EBOLA is not a new perfume from Kim Kardashian
No, the tear drop tattoo doesn't mean I killed someone. I just like people to know that I'm sad when I'm sober.
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08-13-2014 02:22
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I always tip the delivery guy an extra $5 if he doesn't look around for the other 4 people all this pizza would feed.
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08-13-2014 02:13
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Don't be insensitive and call her trailer park trash when modular home trash sounds so much better...
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08-13-2014 02:00
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You sound happily in a relationship. UNFRIEND...BLOCK...UNFOLLOWED.
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08-13-2014 02:00
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If you don't have anything nice to say, I hope it's about someone I hate.
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08-13-2014 01:34
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I just wanna be the reason your therapist can afford to buy a Mercedes
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08-13-2014 01:33 by Baddie
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Well, I wouldn't exactly go so far as to say NO diggity...
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08-13-2014 01:32
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Somewhere the socks and Tupperware lids are throwing a hell of a party.
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08-13-2014 01:26 by Baddie
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I want a girl who's a Kanye West in the streets and a Kanye West in the sheets. - Kanye West
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08-13-2014 01:08
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We had it all Just like Bogie and Bacall Sailing away to Key Largo Here's lookin' at you kid RIP
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08-12-2014 22:57 by smeebert
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People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night burn the Kindle at both ends.
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08-12-2014 22:48 by lkl627
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Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
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08-12-2014 21:14 by snotty
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It seems as if I come across the most scary spiders while I'm in the bathroom. For that, I am somewhat grateful
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08-12-2014 16:46 by Yaj
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I think you have a deficiency in vitamin me.
The first assembly instruction for all IKEA furniture should be open 1 beer.
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08-12-2014 12:26
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When people ask me Plz because it’s shorter than please, I tell them no because it’s shorter than yes.
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08-12-2014 12:20
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"If EVERYTHING tastes like us,,, Why do WE have to die then"????..... CHICKENS
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08-12-2014 10:32 by snotty
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In high school, I used to assist my teacher in Spanish class by "interpretive dancing" her lesson off to the side for "clarification"
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08-12-2014 10:13 by snotty
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Why can't I wake up to some good news for a change? Like hearing that Justin Bieber and the whole Kardashian Clan perished in a plane accident?
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08-12-2014 09:00
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