Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1764 of 6385
Don't take nude pics. Problem solved.
←Rate |
09-03-2014 08:05
Comments (1)
Changed my iCloud password to, "1234". Now we wait...
←Rate |
09-03-2014 06:54 by Steve OH
Comments (0)
No LinkedIn, I do not want to congratulate Gilbert on his new job.
←Rate |
09-03-2014 06:09
Comments (0)
So the government spies on us all the time and its no big deal, but someone hacks in and steals celebretards nudies and its a national emergency? SMH
Praying that Jennifer Lawrence's hacker did not find my secret selfies...
The strike must be over...the past few days have produced many laughs. Welcome back and thank goodness!
←Rate |
09-02-2014 18:22
Comments (0)
Today's IDGAF award goes to the guy who named the fireplace.
←Rate |
09-02-2014 17:09 by Nipper
Comments (0)
Bad news guys with big d*cks. She'll just find something else to b*tch about...
←Rate |
09-02-2014 16:51
Comments (0)
To my stalker, while you're in my neighborhood, can you deliver me a pizza. . .
←Rate |
09-02-2014 16:13 by JAB
Comments (0)
I let my 4 yr old watch Ghostbusters last week & now she has nightmares. What part of "I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts" did she not understand?!
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:57
Comments (0)
Maybe if the lion's sleeping tonight, you should stop f*ck!ng singing before it wakes up and eats your face
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:55
Comments (0)
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:52
Comments (0)
Of course I said NO but I totally meant YES, idiot. ~Women
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:50
Comments (0)
If there is anything to learn from celebrities is. Do not take nude photos of yourself. The FBI had better things to do. . .
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:48 by JAB
Comments (0)
The pharmacist asked if I had any questions so I asked where he lived and where he keeps his office keys
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:45
Comments (0)
Imagine a person who really loves hearing you talk. Now go talk to THAT person.
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:44
Comments (0)
I spend 80% of my workday thinking up a new excuse to leave
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:35
Comments (0)
Whoever named pterodactyls is pterrible at naming things
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:33
Comments (0)
Drinking hasn't killed me, so it must be making me stronger
←Rate |
09-02-2014 15:30
Comments (0)
It's like the girl sitting in front of me on this bus doesn't want me to braid her hair.
←Rate |
09-02-2014 13:38 by Baddie
Comments (0)