Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1737 of 6385
judging by the adds google has picked out for me I live a pretty crazy *ucking life
If I were a QB in the NFL, I'd throw the ball as far as I can on every play... And do lots of hip thrusts... And wear my cup on the outside.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 18:16 by snotty
Comments (0)
[walks up to a group of teens] hey guys when I was your age I was also dumb as hell
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:36
Comments (0)
Some idiot just told me to "Take a hike" as if I don't love nature and finding inner strength through solitude
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:33 by Baddie
Comments (0)
We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:28 by Psycho
Comments (0)
Scientists admit they don't know what Jellyfish are made of - "They don't even taste like jelly" said one piss soaked science dude.
I'm "let's get turned on by the smell of bookstores" fun.
*runs down the street to catch up to ice cream truck* hey are you guys hiring
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:26
Comments (0)
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:23 by Baddie
Comments (0)
Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:23
Comments (0)
Why didn't you tell me that I wasn't going to like you
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:22
Comments (0)
Sorry, when you said you liked rough sex I thought you meant rough as in "not good"
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:21
Comments (0)
What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:17 by Psycho
Comments (0)
As a kid you could get excited by small stuff: findin a body, pokin it with a stick. Now you gotta poke 10 bodies with 12 sticks just to feel anythin.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 13:15 by Psycho
Comments (0)
No, we do not have video of our baby's birth but we do have some very fine shots of his conception.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 12:43 by M
Comments (0)
Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, and Greg Hardy are collaborating on a new song with Chris Brown. It's sure to be a HIT.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 11:30
Comments (0)
Two countries got Independence in 1947.. One reached Mars, while the other is still trying to enter India..
←Rate |
09-30-2014 11:25
Comments (0)
seeing the ice bucket challenge videos are over maybe we should raise awareness for Parkinson's by doing harlem shake videos.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 10:00
Comments (0)
I went for an interview at IKEA today and when I walked into the bossesoffice he said, “Please have a seat.” It took me nearly 6 hours, but I finally managed to put the seat together and sit down for the interview.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 06:18
Comments (0)
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
←Rate |
09-30-2014 05:28 by huck
Comments (0)