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The Happy Meal at Taco Bell comes with a pair of clean underwear.
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10-06-2014 19:15 by
s
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This Halloween I am going as a Bacon Ninja... not sure how to do it, but it sounds funny.
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10-06-2014 18:29
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Remember: You can kill someone and wear their skin as a suit, but it's not identity theft until you use their debit card. Be smart about it.
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10-06-2014 14:21
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When someone you love walks away, they take your entire world with them.
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10-06-2014 13:50
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When you're truly beautiful you don't need to remind people in every other selfie caption.
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10-06-2014 13:49 by
Czovczov
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How much for that babysitter? Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!
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10-06-2014 13:46 by
Baddie
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No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
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10-06-2014 13:38 by
Kisstopher707
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When your boss asks why you’re late. Just shrug and say “thug life.” Bosses don’t mess with thug life.
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10-06-2014 05:07 by
flinnie
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Sorry I invited the firefighters to your wedding, but I know a disaster when I see one.
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10-06-2014 02:36
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I'll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
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10-06-2014 02:35
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I'm sorry I dropped your baby when you said there were snacks.
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10-06-2014 02:35
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Next time you go on a road trip for 3 days, can you leave me a note? - Me to my cat.
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10-06-2014 02:34 by
KAREN
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Has science explained why you have to walk around the house when on the phone?
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10-06-2014 02:26 by
Baddie
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So you can't get on a plane with tweezers but Ebola is okay.
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10-06-2014 02:24
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It's not a crime scene if it was an act of love. Everyone knows that.
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10-06-2014 02:24
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"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
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10-06-2014 02:21 by
Baddie
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Okay kids don't ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger's houses except on the day we worship the devil.
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10-06-2014 02:19
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I'd like the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of her ass. Where are we on this technology?
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10-06-2014 02:17 by
Baddie
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Alicia Keys at the supermarket: "THIS MILK IS EXPIRED!"
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10-05-2014 19:20
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I ate pizza and drank beer last night. Apparently, too much pizza causes a really bad headache...
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10-05-2014 14:20
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