Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1732 of 6385
it cheating if I put pictures of my food on another website? was just wondering...
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10-07-2014 19:08
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I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. I only have 13 more to go!
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10-07-2014 17:30
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My girl an I play this game called "hide the alcohol from the alcoholic".. right now she's losing
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10-07-2014 16:46 by Terry
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that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
If Ebola broke out in Vegas, would it stay in Vegas?
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10-07-2014 15:42
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When you're at work,,, tell someone that has OCD that you drove past their house, and it looked like a light was on... *Sit back and watch.
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10-07-2014 15:08 by snotty
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I hate it when I accidentally fill up on crayons before my food comes out
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10-07-2014 15:04 by snotty
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You know the part of your bumhole that supposedly tells you if it's just a fart, or it's actually crap?... Yah, My dad needs a new one of those
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10-07-2014 15:00 by snotty
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Anyone know where I can get a medic alert bracelet for "does not make small talk?"
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10-07-2014 14:54 by Baddie
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Guy ahead of me at the ATM left his receipt and my balance is higher, so yeah, today is a good day after all!!
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10-07-2014 14:42
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Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Every time someone says, 'I'll have a drink', I say, 'So shall I
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10-07-2014 13:03
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We get it, media. Ben Affleck and Bill Mahr argued over Islam. Isn't there some real news to report??
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10-07-2014 12:24
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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake sh it.
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10-07-2014 01:40 by joser
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A doctor told me to smoke weed everyday. His name is Dr Dre
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10-07-2014 01:09
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No, you may not "axe" me a question. I don't speak Walmart.
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10-06-2014 23:56
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I'm not saying I'm psychic, but I'm positive I will have no interest in what you're about to say.
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10-06-2014 23:23
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the Washington redskins should change their name to the foreskins, they could wear purple helmets
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10-06-2014 22:50
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What has 32 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk??? MY ZIPPER!!!!
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10-06-2014 19:45
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How come we can put a man on the moon but we can't made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
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10-06-2014 19:27 by snotty
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Dear Santa, the cookies are real,, NOT gluten free, and there's normal mink,, NOT soy milk,,,, so you don't sh *t all over our chimney like last year
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10-06-2014 19:18 by snotty
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