Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1727 of 6385
No, I didn't say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
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10-14-2014 08:42
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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me
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10-13-2014 06:34 by huck
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Mario Bros. Plumbing ★☆☆☆☆ (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Officer: Is that cocaine? Me: I dunno, let me smell... (Boom! No evidence!)
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10-13-2014 02:16 by Baddie
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I'm Mexican, but I'm not "I'll cut your grass for 20 bucks" Mexican.
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10-13-2014 02:06
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If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.
Should I check my bank account balance or continue having an okay day?
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10-13-2014 01:56
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Sorry I woke your baby when I opened my velcro wallet.
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10-13-2014 01:42 by Baddie
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Cowards - kissassers - are not on the side of truth; they're on the side of money.
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10-12-2014 22:05
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Ok. Who the frig showed my grandma how to start "group texts" ?!?
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10-12-2014 19:08 by snotty
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Girl Pro Tip: Save up to 80% on life by being born pretty.
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10-12-2014 19:08 by snotty
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"There's more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
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10-12-2014 19:04 by snotty
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"Can you validate my parking?".. "You parked beautifully. Your dad would be proud."... *wipes away tear,,, "Thanks."
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10-12-2014 19:00 by snotty
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First Principle of good customer service: shut up and concentrate on your work.
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10-12-2014 18:25
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The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.
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10-12-2014 18:18
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If you like keep scaring strangers away, smile for no good reason.
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10-12-2014 15:59
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Iggy Azalea is hip hop for teens that still get put in timeout.
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10-12-2014 11:18
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Well, I guess it's time to go apologize to my neighbors...
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10-12-2014 11:11
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For ten dollars I’ll engrave your status on a brick and throw it at you.
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10-12-2014 10:41
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Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?
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10-12-2014 10:29 by Baddie
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