Funny Status Messages
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I don't like your gluten-free attitude 
Cuddling is all fun and games until somebody pitches a tent..
It's depressing how many people don't realize that a terrorist group is a group of people and not an entire nationality.
Just explaining to my kids how Annie used to be white when I was their age
I used to play in a band. now I just play with myself
Most wolf attacks are triggered because they saw someone with a selfie stick.
Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Gary Busey just kind of nonchalantly eating a tennis ball as a car salesman finishes up the paperwork... He thinks he's buying a hat.
"To be is to do" - Socrates... "To do is to be" - Nietzsche... "Do be do be do" - Sinatra... "Beep beep beep" - R2D2...
My fav iPhone 6 app,,,, Is actually still just "the telephone" one
*Sarah McLachlan holding me in her lap.... For just a few "likes" a day,,, You can help a poor guy that's starving for attention
Ugh,, There's a SPIDER in my toilet,,, And I don't even remember eating a spider...
I thought Game of War was some kind of breast inhancement app. I was wrong.
Today, for the first time in history - France did not surrender!! They actually fought!
It is so cold out I just seen some chickens in line at KFC waiting in line for their turn in the deep frier.
instead of 'free' healthcare or 'free' college how about some freedom, dam commies
Family guy, in its satire, does convey a lot serious real world issues. "Archer", used the name IZEZ(spelling intended) much before. It's writers are from the most dramatic nation ever (Juice). Definitely this organization is created by one of them
2014 you had your up and downs.. 2015 I'm to old for rollercoasters
Paul Revere had a time capsule. They opened it up after a couple of hundred years, and guess what they found? A stack of love letters from Barbara Walters..
On the TV this morning the weatherman said to dress warm if you're going outside. If you need a TV weatherman to remind you to dress warm, you've got bigger problems than the cold weather... 