Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1718 of 6385
Life Observation: No matter where I live, my neighborhood has NEVER been even remotely the first stop on the mailman's post route.
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10-24-2014 22:23
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i wish fake was a color so I could paint you properly...
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10-24-2014 19:06
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Here's a tip for you travellers, when Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me comes on your ipod in the airport, DON'T sing along. I spent 12 hours explaining that I was just singing the lyrics "Love me like a bomb, b...b...b..bomb"
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10-24-2014 18:34
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Jehovah's Witnesses should preach on Halloween night, people might actually answer the door.
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10-24-2014 18:30
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There goes Honey Boo Boo. America's collective IQ just rose by .00124%.
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10-24-2014 15:11
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Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. It happened again. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.
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10-24-2014 14:03 by Mark M
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I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
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10-24-2014 11:14 by Daheavy1
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You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a normal pigeon.
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10-24-2014 11:13 by Daheavy1
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I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
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10-24-2014 11:13 by Daheavy1
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British Metallica: Master Of Crumpets.
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10-24-2014 09:39 by Adam
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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
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10-24-2014 08:36
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Your honor, let the record show the defendant's eyebrows are drawn on.
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10-24-2014 05:08
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I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.
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10-24-2014 02:20
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Dr: I need a urine and stool sample. Me: *hands him my underwear* Dr:...... Me: Its all there.
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10-24-2014 02:17
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I don't think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
Anxiety is your brain reminding you that you are a wussy.
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10-24-2014 02:06
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I can't get the cork off my dinner.
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10-24-2014 02:01 by Czovczov
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I'm just a boy, standing in front of a hole, wondering if I might find glory on the other side.
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10-24-2014 01:57 by Baddie
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A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
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10-24-2014 01:32 by Baddie
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Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I'm a ball of fun when I black out.
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10-24-2014 01:30
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