Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Don't try to understand everything. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood, just accepted"; it means, I need money, or I'm idiot, or I'm crazy.

   Walked into Walmart and met a woman who had one callus on her toe. Does that make her a unicorn? Imagine that You can see unicorns at Walmart

   Should Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards?.... I wonder...

   I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"

   Life is more fun when you are on coffee or drunk.

   Kim Kardashian has already taught her daughter everything she knows.

   Look on the bright side Redskin fans...Anything is possible and maybe the Rams will trade three 1st round picks back for RGIII. ;)

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - MEN

   The Google self-driving car should have an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.

   Dear Curiosity: Just put down the gun and let's talk this out. -The Cat

   Math quiz! If I have 1 boss and she has 4 personalities. How much should I spend on her x-mas present ?

   Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   These feelings would go well with vodka.

   I can take care of my enemies.....but lord, please protect me from my friends ~ Unknown

   I have an all-black cat, I named him Cracker. I've never had an all-white cat before..

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - WOMEN

   I'm a feminist, but not like a "wants to pay my own bills" feminist.

   The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that's just science