santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store

   A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

   Getting Christmas gifts for my kids gets harder as they get older, mostly because I can't remember where I hid them.

   Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it's voice activated. I'm at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number

   If one of Santa Claus's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?

   We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch

   Once again this year, Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.

   Xmas idea: let your child watch Chucky, then explain Elf on the Shelf

   Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   "Santa, have you been working out? It sure shows. By the way, I love the new work flow plan you've established for the elves. Very efficient!" - Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.

   christmas has been cancelled this year due to santa being fired for inappropriate behavior by asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   breaking news... sorry folks, christmas has been cancelled due to santa being fired for asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   R. M. Was turned down on his offer to play santa at an all girls middle school.

   Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus

   Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   I bought a new Christmas Tree today. The shop owner said to me, "Are you going to put that up yourself?", "No" I replied, "I was thinking to put it in the Lounge!"

   With Christmas just around the corner, it's important to remember to never trust electronics buying advice from people who have Beats headphones.