Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   HOODTRANSLATIONS: "Bruh I got da whip"= My mother was kind enough to let me use the car Today.....

   named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact Psychopathic Maniac turns 3 tomorrow

   In honor of Mother's Day, I'm going to subtly disapprove of everything people do today by loudly exhaling.

   Yesterday I posted "Happy Almost Mother's Day!" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.

   Bought my wife bagels this morning so she dont have to cook breakfast...Happy Mother s day:)

   To all the mothers: Happy Mother's Day. Don't let it go to your head. You are a working double tomorrow.

   "You don't have to send your mother anything today, we already paid her enough." - Gay dad

   My mother taught me RELIGION. “You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

   When we were kids, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on our foreheads.

   The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep Happy Mother's Day

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.

   If the tables were turned and men could give birth it would be nice to hear Maury say "YOU ARE NOT THE MOTHER"!!!!!!

   the amount of times ones mother enters the room whilst one is watching a movie is equally proportional to the amount of times that a "s*x scene" appears in the movie, and so it seems!

   My wife's great-great-grandmother on her mother's side was The Kracken

   My wife doesn't appreciate that I love her mother in law more than I love mine.

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   My wife has asked me to get her some gloves to wear at her mother's funeral. Does anyone know where I can buy those giant foam fingers?

   You see,,, Once you start making Freudian slips, you can't stop,,, it's just one after a mother.

   A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

   My mother used to hide the eggs in the same place every Easter... the dairy section of our local supermarket.