Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1695 of 6446

If Walmart really wanted to help its customers, they'd sell teeth.
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01-31-2015 09:35 by Baddie
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The number of STDs she can spell without autocorrect really bothers me.

I think Bruce Jenner's trying a little too hard to 'Keep Up With The Kardashians.'
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01-31-2015 08:31
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If corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?
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01-31-2015 08:17 by MWC
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I just want to be rich enough to legally hunt people.
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01-31-2015 07:56
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I'm confused. Does baby oil come from babies or go in babies?
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01-30-2015 23:45
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I'm sorry I karate chopped your grandma...but her stroke face was all like, "Come at me, bro".
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01-30-2015 20:42 by scottyp
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"Why can't more people be just like you?" I wisper into the bun of giant meatball sub.
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01-30-2015 15:14
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Yelp reviews, but for co-workers
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01-30-2015 15:13
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Dudes who watch The Bachelor, what does mensturation feel like?
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01-30-2015 15:11
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I love animals. Especially with ketchup.
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01-30-2015 15:08
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90% of what goes on in a cat's head is "I wonder how I can get them to look at my butthole?"
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01-30-2015 15:07
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Belated congrtulations to Earth for being 63-0 in Miss Universe competitions
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01-30-2015 15:05
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on this very day 125 years ago it was also a Friday TGIF
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01-30-2015 12:55
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Ben Franklin invented the wood stove, bifocals, lightning rods, the odometer, was the first to map the gulf stream, the U.S. postal system, and electricity. All I'm saying: If Ben Franklin were alive today, Microsoft, Google, and Apple would be generics..
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01-30-2015 11:53
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Shower together because everyone likes to having their back washed.Just remember where the wall is in case you drop the soap.
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01-30-2015 09:17 by Nipper
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Bet you I can throw this under inflated football over them mountains...
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01-30-2015 08:34 by jw12ems
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Here is a hint to Bruce Jenner: You were born a man. You will die a man. That is simple biological fact, and has nothing to do with your 'feelings' or whatever you think is 'hidden' inside of you.
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01-30-2015 07:11
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How much for the angry lawn gnome? Hey, that's my toddler.
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01-30-2015 06:32 by Psycho
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(•)(•)(•) Total Recall
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01-30-2015 06:24
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