Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If Walmart really wanted to help its customers, they'd sell teeth.
←Rate | 01-31-2015 09:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The number of STDs she can spell without autocorrect really bothers me.
←Rate | 01-31-2015 09:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Bruce Jenner's trying a little too hard to 'Keep Up With The Kardashians.'
←Rate | 01-31-2015 08:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?
←Rate | 01-31-2015 08:17 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to be rich enough to legally hunt people.
←Rate | 01-31-2015 07:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm confused. Does baby oil come from babies or go in babies?
←Rate | 01-30-2015 23:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I karate chopped your grandma...but her stroke face was all like, "Come at me, bro".
←Rate | 01-30-2015 20:42 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Why can't more people be just like you?" I wisper into the bun of giant meatball sub.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 15:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yelp reviews, but for co-workers
←Rate | 01-30-2015 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dudes who watch The Bachelor, what does mensturation feel like?
←Rate | 01-30-2015 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love animals. Especially with ketchup.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 90% of what goes on in a cat's head is "I wonder how I can get them to look at my butthole?"
←Rate | 01-30-2015 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Belated congrtulations to Earth for being 63-0 in Miss Universe competitions
←Rate | 01-30-2015 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon on this very day 125 years ago it was also a Friday TGIF
←Rate | 01-30-2015 12:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ben Franklin invented the wood stove, bifocals, lightning rods, the odometer, was the first to map the gulf stream, the U.S. postal system, and electricity. All I'm saying: If Ben Franklin were alive today, Microsoft, Google, and Apple would be generics..
←Rate | 01-30-2015 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shower together because everyone likes to having their back washed.Just remember where the wall is in case you drop the soap.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 09:17 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bet you I can throw this under inflated football over them mountains...
←Rate | 01-30-2015 08:34 by jw12ems Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here is a hint to Bruce Jenner: You were born a man. You will die a man. That is simple biological fact, and has nothing to do with your 'feelings' or whatever you think is 'hidden' inside of you.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 07:11 Comments (2)  


   messageicon How much for the angry lawn gnome? Hey, that's my toddler.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 06:32 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon (•)(•)(•) Total Recall
←Rate | 01-30-2015 06:24 Comments (0)  




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