Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just been accused of being condescending , that's where you talk down to people.

   I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

   Someone stole my Microsoft office and they're gonna pay , you have my word

   I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

   The bible has been remixed more times than Madonna.

   Rosalind Franklin discovered the DNA double helix, not James Watson. That's why he's still alive.

   I cooked for you. ~ a short horror story

   If it can't be fixed with a butter knife, I'm out.

   Fcuk, is this year ever going to end?

   James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!

   I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined

   Consultants know 243 ways to make love and know no member of the opposite sex

   Lately I think about my hands around your neck a lot.

   Somebody stop the INTERNET, I want to get off!

   I'm bipolar, my boyfriend had me tested

   Didn't win the lotto again.. send prayers.

   Spanish word of the day is: Cheez-It's. Cheez-It's Christ it's cold!

   BORED so Pretending to water my fake plants.....

   Do you think America will get so LAZY that we will have "Spray on pants."

   I have the new Weight Watchers fridge...At midnight my fridge no longer lights up inside. My Flashlight is also out of batteries!~~THE END TO MIDNIGHT SNACKS!~