Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1623 of 6384
I got 99 problems. You're 98 of them.
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02-10-2015 01:42
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My business card is just a piece of toast.
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02-10-2015 01:33
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I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he's really in trouble.”
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02-09-2015 21:55
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Mine, I was cramping the morning, blew a gasket on the toilet, sure enough, Kanye was in the bowl.
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02-09-2015 19:53
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Facebook, Twitter and Instagram doesn't ruin relationships. You choose who you reply to and how you reply back to them
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02-09-2015 15:29
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"Hi I'm Kayne West! I survive on your attention. Give me your attention. Hey where you going...I need you attention..."
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02-09-2015 14:31 by JEBI
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Think someone is pitching "Keeping up with Kanye"? What a Deutche
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02-09-2015 14:20 by Kado
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Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
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02-09-2015 14:17 by Nipper
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Looking for true love on Tinder is like looking for a Buffalo Bills championship. Good luck.
My wife looks at me when I'm folding laundry the same way I look at her when she is eating a banana.
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02-09-2015 12:59
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Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year...
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02-09-2015 12:58 by JEBI
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Hey Kanye, can you stop kissing Jay Z and Beyonce's a$$es at every award show? Thx.
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02-09-2015 12:32
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Yes creepy guy at work , we all know what you mean when you talk about eating your wife's fish taco...
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02-09-2015 11:57
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Guys who drink light roast coffee.... Does it bother your wife that she has to be the man in the family?
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02-09-2015 10:08
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If I’ve learned anything from soap commercials, it’s that only attractive people take showers.
Sam Smith is a chubby Rick Astley!
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02-09-2015 08:56
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I can't believe Katy Perry's date wasn't Left Shark!
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02-09-2015 08:27
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No thanks feelings, I'll just take the sex.
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02-09-2015 08:24
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"When you grow up and are paying all the bills, then you can make up arbitrary rules about why you get the last slice of bacon" ~ Me, parenting.
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02-09-2015 08:20
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PRO TIP: Vodka doesn't care if you are still wearing pajamas at the dinner table.
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02-09-2015 08:18
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