Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Her stripper name is "for god's sake, put some clothes on"

   fun fact: shut up

   Feeling Bored? Post a status on Facebook that says " Hillary Clinton 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.

   I´ll bet a beer that you won´t bring me one! *gotcha*

   You can't see the forest through the bees.

   Opened the bathroom cupboard and a bunch of my wifes feminine hygiene products fell out on me. it was a Tampede...

   Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?

   Happy 4/21 -national surprise drug test day!

   I beleive in shopping locally. Thats why I am the town drunk.

   When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? Please say tomorrow

   4-20... The day when it is obvious which of your friends are still mentally in high school.

   happy 4/20 ......smoke it if you got it

   my neighbor stopped me while I was mowing to brag about his new mower, I said thats nice and all but I still have a bigger deck. ..

   Got hit on by a total fox today! By that, I mean, she did not throw up when I said hi.

   Domino's Pizza changed their name to just Domino's because they're now serving even more $hitty food.

   I've stalked you recently because I couldn't find someone better.

   Ahh Brunch, the Sunday activity that makes drinking before noon socially acceptable.

   It's all fun and games until they let the police dog loose..

   Just found out the Dukes of Hazzard wasn't a reality show, my day is now shot.

   Funny how the greatest threat to a human being's life on earth can be traced right back to a fellow human being.