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How do YOU know your baby doesn't like my second hand smoke? It can't even talk yet.
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03-20-2015 15:11
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PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
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03-20-2015 15:10
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I really worry about people who have Jesus as their pilot. I don't think they even had airplanes back then.
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03-20-2015 15:09
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I'm at my most Oprah when I'm giving out the airplaine liquor bottles stashed in my purse to all the mom's at a kid's birthday party.
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03-20-2015 15:08
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Being a lesbian sounds fun, you can get your nails painted while you scissor.
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03-20-2015 15:07
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Every time I eat ribs it looks like there was a BBQkkake party on my face.
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03-20-2015 15:04
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What do we want?!? GOOD DECISIONS!!!!! When do we want them?!? BEFORE LAST NIGHT!!!!
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03-20-2015 15:03
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It doesn't matter how hard you thought out those vanity plates, bro. All any of us read is 'imma douche'
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03-20-2015 15:02
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I'm thankful for the people who have the make of their car across their windshield, I've always wondered who made your '97 Civic
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03-20-2015 15:02
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My Asian friend cannot believe I've never seen "Roarest Rump"
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03-20-2015 13:59
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Some serious smack talk in the office today going on between Indian and Sri Lankan Cricket World Cup fans if anyone is wondering what its like working in IT during March Madness.
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03-20-2015 13:43
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Today is national Happy Day. Off to the liquor store I go.
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03-20-2015 13:39
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The KKK and Black Panthers are in line at Starbucks--Barista
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03-20-2015 13:26
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She's all that and a bottle of vodka.
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03-20-2015 13:24
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I put my pants on like anyone else. By court ordered mandate.
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03-20-2015 13:17
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If love is a battlefield then I keep dying in basic training.
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03-20-2015 12:59 by
Kisstopher707
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Oh I can't, my doctor said I should cut back on people.
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03-20-2015 12:58
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A lot of my problems seem to start by waking up in the morning.
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03-20-2015 12:57
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Free weed > free drinks
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03-20-2015 11:08 by
Kisstopher707
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This dualing piano bar would be more enjoyable if I actually got to watch 2 pianists fight to the death like I had orignally anticipated.
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03-20-2015 08:37
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