life Funny Status Messages

   expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian.

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

   My life coach just benched me.

   "If my life had a face.............I would PUNCH it!!"-Greg Thomas

   floating in a life boat after getting thrown off the ship over a misunderstanding over what the poop deck actually was!

   life is better when you decide you dont care

   Oh how that evil ball of hydrogen and helium punishes me on the way home from work with its larger than life flaming brilliance.

   A man basically goes through three phases in his life... He believes in Santa Claus...He doesn't believe in Santa Claus...He is Santa Claus.

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons

   I live every day of my life as if it's my last. Basically I just leap in slow motion away from things which aren't exploding... Repeatedly.

   Video game truths: anyone with a lower score than me is a loser and anyone with a higher score is a loser with no life!

   has no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.

   "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." ~ Nathan Hale

   Life is too short to care about being skinny. I LOVE FOOD. Plus, there's plenty of time to be skinny when I'm dead.:-)

   Dear Tom Cruise: Life is what you make of it. Not what you make believe of it

   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   Would you rather win a hundred billion dollars today and get paralyzed tomorrow or just get life in jail with a man rapist? Up for the money.... Down for jail....

   The day I confuse the Google search box with my Facebook status update box will be a tragic, life changing and possibly fatal one.

   In the game of Life, everybody is bald and rides with the top down.