Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1566 of 6384
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
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04-14-2015 16:50
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I'm mature but only without the apostrophe and space.
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04-14-2015 15:28
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obama removing cuba from state terror list... can he add himself in its place?!?
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04-14-2015 15:12
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Welcome to Celebrity Impersonators Club. Please have a seat. There's plenty of Chers.
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04-14-2015 15:11 by Nipper
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People getting out of prison will probably be on Myspace now saying "Where's everybody at?"
I have to sit in the passenger seat of a car driven by a 16 yr old with a learner's permit you don't scare me.
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04-14-2015 14:42 by Nipper
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We need to start worrying about what kind of world we are going to leave for Keith Richards.
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04-14-2015 14:23 by Nipper
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If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
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04-14-2015 12:10
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I wish I could have the days back when I'd tell my best friend "we did it three times last night" and it meant something other than "going to the bathrrom"
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04-14-2015 09:38
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Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
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04-14-2015 09:05
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Opening the wrong kitchen cupboard and drowning in a "Bag for life" tsunami
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04-14-2015 01:22
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I never comment on a joint FB account post because I never know who said it, the wife or the p ussy.
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04-13-2015 21:42
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I don;t know what kind of President she would make, but if I am being totally honest; I would hit that.
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04-13-2015 21:14
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Tiger may be a cheetah, but he ain't lion.
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04-13-2015 21:13
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Marco Rubio was asked if he was too young to be president.. he said, "Yes, but the elections are almost 2 years away, I will be much older then."
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04-13-2015 20:10
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Woohoo! Marco Rubio For President Of The United States of America!!!
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04-13-2015 20:02 by JT
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Advice is a bitter medicine, which is more blessed to give than to receive.
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04-13-2015 19:34
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I talk a lot of crap for someone who can't even put her panties on without falling over.
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04-13-2015 15:42
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I need a catchphrase, and a themesong. Oh, and while we are at it, a signature sex move that doesn't always end in an apology.
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04-13-2015 15:08
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I like my women like I like my coffee; Always causing embarassing stains on my pants.
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04-13-2015 15:07
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