Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1560 of 6384
Hillary's already working on her 2020 re-election campaign
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04-23-2015 07:24
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f you don't routinely use a Darth Vader voice to order at the drive-thru, odds are good we're not gonna be friends.
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04-23-2015 06:57
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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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04-22-2015 23:16
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it's a jungle out there and I ain't lion!
This Earth Day, I'm trying to do my part to make the world a better place by making a list of people I wish would move to Mars.
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04-22-2015 18:26
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Dating is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.
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04-22-2015 18:02
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If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started
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04-22-2015 17:28 by snotty
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Oh,, and BTW,,,, Earth day is just another made up holiday to sell more earths
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04-22-2015 17:25 by snotty
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I was gonna throw an Earth Day party but I forgot to planet.
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04-22-2015 15:09
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I accidentally answered my phone & panicked when I heard someone say "hello?" so I just did the best I could & made the fax machine noise.
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04-22-2015 14:00
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She tried to make me leave the house without my phone charger and that's when I called the cops.
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04-22-2015 12:58 by Czovczov
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I'm craving a milkshake but I don't want a bunch of dudes in my yard.
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04-22-2015 12:51
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Fighting fire with fire seems like a waste of time and resources. I'd use Justin Bieber.
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04-22-2015 12:36
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When I was younger I always wanted to marry a doctor for money. Now I just want the prescriptions.
Accidentally went grocery shopping hungry and now I'm the proud owner of isle 6...
Just got an email saying "want to see Taylor Swift Live"? I thought it was a ransom demand....
Day 12.. I haven't eaten apple in a week,, the doctors are slowly getting thru the barricade, I won't last very long, tell my family I love em
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04-21-2015 21:29 by snotty
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I bet "Game of War" would do better if they'd just spend a few bucks on advertising.
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04-21-2015 21:18 by snotty
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Now that everyone has cameras you'd think there would be more pictures of UFOs, Bigfoots, ghosts, etc.
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04-21-2015 21:18 by Timk
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Anal bleaching... Because some a**holes need to lighten up.