Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The grass is green where you water it.

   It takes Axl Rose approximately 12 minutes to sing 2 verses of "Head, Shoulders, na-na-na-na-na-na-Knees and Toes."

   "Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts"-Shark Week lesson of the day

   Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?

   I hate it when I have a bunch of company over and I don't have enough cholophorme for all of them and I have to use it on myself.

   I've wanted to run away from home WAY more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.

   Fact: Any woman that says that a way to a man's heart is through his stomch is aweful at blow jobs.

   I'm on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.

   Now that the Confederate Flag has been removed that will stop all of the hate and murders in this country

   So, after 40 years of marriage will g@y guys start referring to their spouses as "The Old Balls and Chain?"

   Why don't the Greeks make p 0rn? Because there is no money shot.

   gene pools are man made...nobody is worried about your threats. repent

   I came up with a plan to help people with debt, it's called "Don't buy s*it you can't afford it!"

   Women are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

   HER: ''You never listen to me!'' HIM: ''Of course they will!''

   The movie demolition man, is coming true.

   I love seeing all these tolerant people bashing religion!

   Feeling sad is better than not feeling at all. unless you into your feelings....

   Why must I prove I'm me, if I'm callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!

   When asked what's the capital of Greece? Greece is bankrupt and it has no capital.