Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. - alcohol

   The average octopus spends two thirds of its life rolling its sleeves up

   I said I was hungry, she thought I said I was horny. Long story short, best first date ever..

   You know what really gets a lady wet?........Rain.

   Hey? Islamis radicals..if your God tells you to kill people..please start with your self. Thanks real Americans!!

   If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.

   So, who won the drawing contest anyway?? :P

   Cinco de Mayo: May the 5th be with you.

   the next time terrorism happens because the image of Mohammed is shown, I swear everyone on Facebook should post that same image of Mohammed. Can't stop us all!

   Only in America Media and News is Brainwashing People!! Do not believe what you hear or see.

   surprised that Kate and William didn't go with my suggested royal baby name of Princess Consuela Bananahammock!

   PRO TIP: If you see a distressed woman scraming about her lost baby, don't offer to help her make a new one.

   ESPN reports that Manny Pacquiao has filed sexual harassment and inappropriate touching charges against Floyd Mayweather for all the hugging and grabbing from Saturday night's fight.

   Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear

   sometimes I wonder why I hate people, then I remember, that's the plan.

   If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.

   glad the Princess's name isn't Kimberly Lindsey Hilton

   This has to be the only "holiday" created by someone with a speech impediment...

   Has Al Sharpton's presence EVER made anything better?

   What's the difference between the Ruble and the Dollar? A Dollar