Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1546 of 6452

Follow your dream. Unless... it's a person. They'd call it stalking.
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07-21-2015 01:25
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I'm keeping up with the Kardashians ..... my dad I s gone too
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07-21-2015 00:34 by Eddy
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If by handyman you mean someone with a nice collection of wrenches that came with unassembled furniture then yes, I'm a handyman...

The Grapes of Wrath is my favorite book title talking about a Woman drinking wine and angrily planning on burning your house to the ground.

I'm "All the kids were free-range kids" years old.

I hate not seeing someone for awhile and they tell you all the things they post in Facebook.
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07-20-2015 22:34
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Im acraid that I nade a maitake turning off autocorrd t

Episode I of Star Wars is the best of the entire franchise and Jar Jar Binks is probably the greatest character to come from all 6 films
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07-20-2015 22:32 by Cicci
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When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans.".. All I hear is that there's a bear out that knows how to use matches
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07-20-2015 18:18 by snotty
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I told my wife that a cheating website had been hacked and marriages would be in ruins because of it. I just caught her deleting browser history from LittleDebbie.com.
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07-20-2015 18:12
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Basiji, in Iran, calls "Death To America" not the whole nation – Basijis are some minority brain-washed people like you who wrote this statement. The Radical party intimidates - forces - people and brings them to street.
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07-20-2015 17:14
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When considering joining a site offering secret infidelity but requires you register with a name/photo, a good alternative is to not do that
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07-20-2015 15:36 by Nipper
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I just found out that my dog doesn't like Bacon.. BACON !!... I don't think we can be best friends anymore.
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07-20-2015 14:48
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In 2001, we invade Iraq and Afghanistan on the intel that they "might" have weapons of mass destruction. In 2015, we give weapons of mass destruction to Iran while they chant "Death To America"
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07-20-2015 14:26 by TJL
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Ashley Madison's servers were hacked, just in case your husband seems really nervous today for no reason...
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07-20-2015 10:59 by eengrms
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I started to use alcohol as a crutch,,, and the I realized it was a liquid.
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07-20-2015 06:36 by snotty
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My automatic ice maker has 2 settings... 1) Off....... 2) It's 3 AM & There's a Killer in the Kitchen
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07-19-2015 22:08 by snotty
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60 And Pregnant #UnpopularTelevisionShows.
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07-19-2015 21:17
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People who cancel their Facebook account are the real heroes.
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07-19-2015 21:15
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Shout out to the knife for always having my back.
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07-19-2015 21:14
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