Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why Does My Feed Have To Be Clogged With Everything You Liked???
←Rate | 07-14-2015 12:12 by JCT Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst thing a woman can ask a man is "Guess what today is."
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried meditating once but ended up taking a really great nap.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Psychiatrist is getting tired of starting our sessions with "Why do you think they unfollowed you?"
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom told me she had Five Guys for lunch today."
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You would be amazed how little you can trust people these days...
←Rate | 07-14-2015 10:08 by TJC Comments (0)  


   messageicon We should just invite ISIS over to help us purge our history for us, they are great at it...
←Rate | 07-14-2015 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I end up doing something really cool or funny there’s an 80% chance it was on accident
←Rate | 07-14-2015 09:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Putting gas in car... $19.97... *stops..(gently).. $ 19.98... (very gently)... $19.99... *Ok, once more...(deep breath).... $37.63... GODDAMMIT
←Rate | 07-14-2015 07:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot outside,, that other people's balls are sticking to my legs.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 07:45 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon Breaking news: 50 Cent is looking to play a gig for Nickleback.
←Rate | 07-13-2015 23:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50 cent is broke wants to be called 5 cent now
←Rate | 07-13-2015 22:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Youtube, you've got a grammatical error on your website... Its "You WILL skip ad in 5 seconds"... not, "You CAN skip ad in 5 seconds"
←Rate | 07-13-2015 20:35 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.
←Rate | 07-13-2015 20:09 by Rollen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another day ruined by responsibly
←Rate | 07-13-2015 19:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Man Crush Monday is: Obama. I hope a rock falls, and crushes his head.
←Rate | 07-13-2015 16:00 by Goodeolboy Comments (3)  


   messageicon Trump was missing from Miss Universe contest. Did El Chapo's escape have anything to do with it, being a mexican?
←Rate | 07-13-2015 14:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50 cents files for bankruptcy. That's all he had to his name
←Rate | 07-13-2015 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So 50 Cent is all he's worth now?
←Rate | 07-13-2015 14:03 by Bward Comments (0)  




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