Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was born and raised in the circus, so as a young boy I use to dream of running away from home and joining the suburbs.

   If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

   At what point did our country become invaded by insensitive @$$holes who lack empathy?

   Obama is proposing a dress code for America so no one offends each other

   With another unfortunate mass shooting incident, this will respark another debate about how rampant gun violence is... WAIT!! HULK HOGAN SAID THE N-WORD?!!!! Stop the presses!!!

   Sometimes I do FB with my 3D glasses on... It's almost like you guys are right here with me!!

   It's what's on the inside that counts, and other things ugly people say.

   ok i'm done with the ice bucket Challenge .... WHATS next ?

   We are not going to call him President Trump, instead he simply prefers "the Donald"

   Soooo.... I take it we should expect to see Hulk Hogan put in his bid for the next GOP Presidental candidate now?

   We're not friends until I have at least 38 pictures of you passed out somewhere on on my phone.

   If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.

   I bet the worst person to have negotiating you down from a ledge would be the members of Van Halen.

   With all the craziness going on in the world, I can just say; stay strapped, my friends.

   How is gun control working in Chicago?

   said it before and I say it again: Ive said it before and say it again ...

   Russians; the other white p eople.

   Since we're not allowed to talk about gun control right after mass shootings, having them happen back-to-back is a real time-saver...

   I want to open a donut shop called Hole Foods.

   The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder...See how things can escalate quickly Susan??