Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1503 of 6446

Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
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09-25-2015 17:22 by flinnie
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Volkswagen has gotten itself into trouble for falsifying data. Apparently this is not the first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying about gas emissions.
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09-25-2015 15:13
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Avoid disappointment, always assume you mean nothing
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09-25-2015 14:06
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If you're trying to convince me that you don't have money, I better see at least one article of clothing from Walmart in your closet.
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09-25-2015 13:25
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"Please make me happy" I whisper to my prescription.
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09-25-2015 12:54 by Czovczov
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I was devastated when I got a text from my "GF" telling me I was crap in bed.It's ok though, turns out she got the wrong number.
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09-25-2015 11:54
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I don't know about you, but it's been a long week and I'm poped out.
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09-25-2015 10:18
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Seriously though, what color was that dress?
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09-25-2015 10:15
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Should we be surprised? Strange smelling smoke has been coming out of VW Kombi vans for years.
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09-25-2015 09:48
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I just realized how poor I really am...I just caught myselt turning dollar store ziplock bags inside out in the sink to wash them for re-use. :-(
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09-24-2015 23:28
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the Pope is in America with Obama and Hillary Clinton. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!
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09-24-2015 14:44 by MWC
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I knew the season was officially out of control when my dealer offered my pumpkin flavored crack...
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09-24-2015 13:23 by eengrms
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You just know the aliens' cell phones are going to be nicer than ours.
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09-24-2015 13:18
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Thre is a special place in hell for people who put ice cubes in wine.
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09-24-2015 10:54
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We've never met or spoken in person, so why should I be offended by your worthless opinion internet stranger?

My safe word is yourhusbandishome.
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09-24-2015 10:27 by Czovczov
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Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
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09-24-2015 06:51 by snotty
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Don’t waste your time arguing with strangers on the internet. Save that sh*t for your wife.
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09-24-2015 06:50
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310 people were killed and hundreds wounded in a stampede at the annual hajj in Saudi Arabia. What a waste of potential suicide bombers.
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09-24-2015 06:49
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*At Vision Center. Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see? Me: Well, I'd like to be able to see all of them. Ummm, that's why I'm here.
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09-24-2015 06:09 by snotty
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