Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
←Rate | 09-25-2015 17:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Volkswagen has gotten itself into trouble for falsifying data. Apparently this is not the first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying about gas emissions.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 15:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Avoid disappointment, always assume you mean nothing
←Rate | 09-25-2015 14:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're trying to convince me that you don't have money, I better see at least one article of clothing from Walmart in your closet.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 13:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Please make me happy" I whisper to my prescription.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 12:54 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was devastated when I got a text from my "GF" telling me I was crap in bed.It's ok though, turns out she got the wrong number.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 11:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know about you, but it's been a long week and I'm poped out.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously though, what color was that dress?
←Rate | 09-25-2015 10:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Should we be surprised? Strange smelling smoke has been coming out of VW Kombi vans for years.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just realized how poor I really am...I just caught myselt turning dollar store ziplock bags inside out in the sink to wash them for re-use. :-(
←Rate | 09-24-2015 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the Pope is in America with Obama and Hillary Clinton. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!
←Rate | 09-24-2015 14:44 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew the season was officially out of control when my dealer offered my pumpkin flavored crack...
←Rate | 09-24-2015 13:23 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon You just know the aliens' cell phones are going to be nicer than ours.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thre is a special place in hell for people who put ice cubes in wine.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 10:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We've never met or spoken in person, so why should I be offended by your worthless opinion internet stranger?
←Rate | 09-24-2015 10:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My safe word is yourhusbandishome.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 10:27 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
←Rate | 09-24-2015 06:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t waste your time arguing with strangers on the internet. Save that sh*t for your wife.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 06:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 310 people were killed and hundreds wounded in a stampede at the annual hajj in Saudi Arabia. What a waste of potential suicide bombers.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 06:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *At Vision Center. Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see? Me: Well, I'd like to be able to see all of them. Ummm, that's why I'm here.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 06:09 by snotty Comments (0)  




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