Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   campfire]And that's when he realized... HE FORGOT TO ENABLE WIFI AND WATCHED 5 SEASONS USING HIS DATA PLAN

   You sneeze, and a tiny book titled "A spiders guide to navigating the human brain" shoots out your nose....* You faintly hear a spider cussing.

   "When terrorists parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique, do they just smash it in their face and make explosion noises?" No parents want their children to be terrorist.

   I finally stopped believing. Journey is going to be so pissed at me.

   Good guys with guns are all over the place. But you never hear about them because they are not breaking the law.

   So you can get up early to go shopping on Black Friday but you can't get up early on Sunday to go to church.

   Who are you to doubt God? And Santa Claus? And the Easter Bunny? And...

   anyone else gonna run for President or is this all we have?

   Freedom comes with wisdom, and no religion wants people to be free.

   .... I was watching th news tonite .... I thought I was watching the violent Black Friday shopping mayhem .... turns out it was just the Black Lives Matter protests .... ....

   Immigration puns are funny but they cross the line.

   If Jesus really loved us, he would've turned the oceans into wine.

   I hope no babies were killed at the Planed Parenthood shooting

   I saw a video today of people going crazy in Walmart grabbing stuff. I thought it was a black Friday thing. It was just the video of people protesting in Ferguson

   So... how many broken bones and broken nails have ya got on Black Friday? Are you satisfied with your brand new TV that you saved 20 bucks on?

   I would throw all Dallas Cowboys fans a complement but Luke Kuechly would intercept that too.

   What do you call a group of epileptics in a bowl? Seizure Salad!

   When terrorists parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique, do they just smash it in their face and make explosion noises?

   She enjoys long romantic scrolls on her phone. But still claims to be in touch with reality.

   Thanksgiving is that one special day where an innocent man on Death Row gets to turn on the TV and watch the President pardon a Turkey. 454 retweets 986 likes