Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A group of girls with a selfie stick is called a travesty.

   You had me at "hello," But lost me at "bae"

   Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily everafter. . .

   "You gonna eat that?" My wife asks,,,, pointing to my words.

   Bar B Que Bacon Cheese Burger... The best part of my day.

   one thing I have learned from the latest 24 hour news cycle... You can limp wrist a Glock and it will still function

   ust looked up from my phone and realized I was sitting in a restaurant that closed in 2007.

   When emptying email spam folder, why does anyone need to be asked are you sure you want to empty this folder. We do not need to be asked are you sure. Yes I am f#cking sure ! ! !

   I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!

   Race War Coming Soon to City near you.

   Dear Bryce Williams, White Lives Matter.

   Can you imagine the media coverage had the Virginia shooting taken place with the races flipped? Sad to see how biased the media is. I guess #whitelivesdontmatter, right?

   How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?

   With no power comes no responsibility... (During a power outage)

   Its national dogs day, weird its also the day they were allowed to start voting

   Happy National Dog Day to all da bitches.

   People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk – what do you do with all that time you saved?

   What's the inside temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke warm.

   I like to peel all of the labels off of my pill bottles and just write "surprise me" on them.

   So remember, ,, for every action,,,,, there is an equal and opposite social media overreaction