Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1430 of 6384
FACT: being a constant delight just comes naturally to me.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 09:39 by flinnie
Comments (0)
I got caught in the rain once. Apparently you have to bring your own piña coladas.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
←Rate |
10-12-2015 09:36 by flinnie
Comments (0)
I hope I'm the last guy on earth -- I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 08:12
Comments (0)
I thought about you this morning. I was cleaning my gun.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 02:16
Comments (0)
The best time to weigh yourself is after the exorcism.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 02:16
Comments (0)
Stop fcukin whining about being alone and lower your standards like the rest of us
←Rate |
10-12-2015 02:01
Comments (0)
You're in charge of your own happiness, I tell myself, refilling my drink.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 02:01
Comments (0)
911: "How can I help you?" Me: "This thong is wedged so far up my ass that I..." 911: click
←Rate |
10-12-2015 01:55
Comments (0)
Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "an@l" in front of them..Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger,etc
←Rate |
10-12-2015 00:57 by Czovczov
Comments (0)
Hey girls,the best time to give a blowjob is when there's a football game on TV. It sounds like 50,000 people are cheering for you.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 00:57 by Czovczov
Comments (0)
I'd really love to see you tonight....no, really.....leave your blinds open!
←Rate |
10-12-2015 00:56
Comments (0)
Nothing says you have been friend-zoned for life like when she invites you to her wedding.
←Rate |
10-12-2015 00:42
Comments (0)
So let me try to understand this…being a vegan is your whole personality?
←Rate |
10-12-2015 00:18
Comments (0)
In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say "I'm Shia LaBeouf"
←Rate |
10-12-2015 00:17
Comments (0)
Monday... that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!
Date a girl who watches football with you and lets you grab her ass during commercials.
Let's cuddle, eat junk food and watch football.
cons also want 29 virgins, they're called cousins and step sisters
←Rate |
10-11-2015 10:31
Comments (0)
Brush your teeth first before you say my name.
←Rate |
10-11-2015 08:32
Comments (0)