Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1419 of 6384
Sometimes "message failed to send," is your second chance.
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10-31-2015 10:01
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My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
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10-31-2015 10:00 by Baddie
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It's like grandma always said, "Buy a selfie stick and you're out of my will."
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10-31-2015 09:18 by Baddie
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*2025... There's only one smoker left in the world... The Quit Smoking ads on tv get personal.... HEY STEVE, STOP SMOKING. YOU STINK. YOUR WIFE SAYS YOU NEED VIAGRA.
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10-31-2015 07:05 by snotty
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A good way to keep a secret from me is to leave it on my voicemail
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10-30-2015 22:42 by Aaron
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Date night with the wife tonight... It'll be nice to argue and fight in public for a change.
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10-30-2015 20:31 by snotty
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I need a high quality Storm Trooper outfit. Not for Halloween. Just to wear around the house, go shopping in, and wear in the bedroom. Also need to get the wife an R2D2 costume for the same purpose...ok mostly for the bedroom.
strongly suspects that the cable, that was holding the blimp, was installed by Comcast.
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10-30-2015 15:25
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Why isnt' the tooth fairy a symbol of Halloween? Thank about it.
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10-30-2015 13:21
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Whatever you are doing, always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood.
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10-30-2015 13:13
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Bruce Jenner winning Glamour's woman of the year award just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman.
When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out of the window.
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10-30-2015 06:47 by XX-FOXY
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D trumph will be President. And then Kanye West and 1st lady Kim. And then beiber. That'll be the fate of your country, you earned it
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10-30-2015 02:09
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I used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I think I should have chosen my words more carefully.
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10-29-2015 14:47
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What I have survived could kill 99% of you.
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10-29-2015 14:41 by Czovczov
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Dear gym addicts, We don't care if it's leg day, chest day or arm day. Today is get a life day. Yours sincerely, The rest of the world
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10-29-2015 14:32
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This Halloween I'm going to be my wife and just complain all day.
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10-29-2015 14:12
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Has anyone ever checked their credit score and got a sad face emoji in place of the number? Asking for a friend.
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10-29-2015 10:27
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That was the worst presidential roast I've ever seen. Comedy Central would have done a better job.
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10-29-2015 08:53
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if I had a dollar for everytime somebody said I was pretty ... ive had one dollar -thanx mom!
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10-29-2015 08:44
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