Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1387 of 6446

Fathers: If you daughter asks you to carry her pink backpack and purse, you carry it....
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02-21-2016 03:04
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Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex, and bacon.
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02-21-2016 02:54
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Five Things I Like Almost As Much As Driving My Boat: 1. Looking at my boat. 2. Talking about my boat. 3. Movies and TV shows with boats. 4. Websites with boats. 5. Bacon.
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02-21-2016 02:50
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.... You are entitled to NOTHING .... If you want something ..... Go out and EARN IT!!!!
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02-20-2016 21:26
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My performance with my wife last night was amazing. I lasted like 45 minutes!... Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.
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02-20-2016 19:25 by Snotty
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"Superdelagates" might as well be available on Stubhub.
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02-20-2016 19:01
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By the time this is over Sanders won't know wheather to wind his watch or get a job.
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02-20-2016 18:57
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Bernie wii now feel the burn.
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02-20-2016 18:54
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Everytime this post is liked, Kanye West gets kicked in the genitals.
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02-20-2016 18:18
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Everyone complains about the weather, but no one wants to sacrifice a virgin to change it.
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02-20-2016 16:26
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Seatbelts are very important, unless you are driving a huge school bus filled with children.
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02-20-2016 16:24
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My son asked me what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his iPod except for 1 song.
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02-20-2016 16:22
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Marijuana: It's not just for Hippies anymore!
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02-20-2016 16:20
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American Word Of The Day: Hoochie. My girl found another girl's number in my phone and yelled, "Tell me hoochie is, before I stab you!"
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02-20-2016 16:19
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It's weird to think that before Facebook and social media all these dumb thoughts stayed in people's heads = But that's none of my business.
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02-20-2016 16:16
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Take it from me: Don't try to redeem those "Free Blow Job" coupons after you divorce.
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02-20-2016 16:13
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Morning erections: Your body's way of saying "Battery charged 100% -- Unplug and play."
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02-20-2016 16:11
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Taylor Swift doesn't necessarily need 10 Grammy awards, when we have starving artists like Kanye West.
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02-20-2016 16:09
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let my girlfriend sleep.
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02-20-2016 16:07
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You're not a model....you are just a white girl taking selfies in the mirror.
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02-20-2016 16:03
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