life Funny Status Messages

   My Life These Days is Very Simple...Eat, Sleep, Change Facebook Status...Never Better...

   I have been misled. Life is not a box of Chocolates. It's a tin of mixed nuts at best.

   Your life would be sweeter if you spent more time around those impressed by you, not those you have to impress.

   some days 25 to life just seems like it would be worth it!!!!!

   In life you've got to learn to take your time with things. That's why I went to the first grade twice.

   if there was a more adult way to say "extra chocolate" I would enjoy more shakes in my life.

   The first 10 years of a girl's life are spent playing with Barbies. The next 10 years are spent trying to look like one.

   wishes she was as funny in real life as she is on facebook

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   the best sort of perfection in life, funnily enough, comes in the form of imperfection!

   Someday I hope to solve one of the great mysteries of life, like where do socks go when you put them into the dryer?

   Life is tough; it's even tougher when you're stupid.~~John Wayne

   No Ma'am. I did NOT say your child is ugly. All I said was that I would fear for my life if he were ever to get wet… or eat after midnight. I'm sure you won't have to worry about pedophiles either.

   I wish computer commands worked in real life. You make a mistake with your girlfriend = Ctrl+z. Your girlfriend dumps you = Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Your girlfriend starts seeing your best friend = sledge hammer to screen.

   85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?

   Life is like a sports car: It goes too fast, and it costs too much.

   Life is like a sports car: It goes too fast, and it costs too much

   Live once. Regret nothing. Rewrite destiny.. nothing is written in stone. Nothing. Love your life the way you need to, not the way your told too.

   If you don't like the way I think, simple Unfriend me, as my day, life, won't stop because of it.

   Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again.