Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1341 of 6446

Interesting Fact: 87% of people are happily single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone.
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04-07-2016 06:02
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Attention Ladies: A male marathon runner takes a mid-race break for a burrito and beer, sure sounds like a perfect guy to date.
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04-07-2016 06:00
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I love eating ice soup the day before every pay day.
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04-07-2016 05:57
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If you call your boyfriend/girlfriend "bae" one more time, I hope a deer kicks you in the genitals.
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04-07-2016 05:55
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When a woman carries a keg of beer over her shoulder, never question your relationship status....yep she's a keeper!!!
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04-07-2016 05:53
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Everytime I see a mattress on a car, I always think it's a prostitute making a house call.
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04-07-2016 05:51
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Judging people by their race and sex is wrong, I wish you privileged white males would get that!
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04-07-2016 05:45 by MWC
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Anything can be toilet paper if you're brave enough
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04-06-2016 22:28
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Oh man, all nation are drunk crazies.
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04-06-2016 21:45
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Heart pounding, pupils dilated, fingers trembling, dry mouth, sweaty palms, rising feeling of panic... Where the hell has my phone gone?
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04-06-2016 19:49 by Aaron
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After all the eating I have done this winter, I am happy to report my flip-flops still fit.
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04-06-2016 18:28
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If the right to vote was taken away from anyone convicted of a fenoly we would never have another democrat president again.
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04-06-2016 18:24
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snapchat is creating it's own brand of human beings separate from the rest of us, people who think dog filters and squished faces are cool
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04-06-2016 12:29
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I may be mean but at least I use my fcuking blinker.
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04-06-2016 09:55
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Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
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04-05-2016 20:33
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I really think that our Presidential Election is going to be decided by a "Yo Momma" competition on Comedy Central.
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04-05-2016 15:16
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My thoughts are with all of the crooks, fraudsters, politicians, super rich elite, celebrities and athletes during these difficult times. #PanamaLeaks
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04-05-2016 13:55
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No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
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04-05-2016 13:17
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I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
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04-05-2016 11:13
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No one wished me a Happy Birthday today. But then, today isn't my birthday either.
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04-05-2016 09:20
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