Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Interesting Fact: 87% of people are happily single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone.
←Rate | 04-07-2016 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention Ladies: A male marathon runner takes a mid-race break for a burrito and beer, sure sounds like a perfect guy to date.
←Rate | 04-07-2016 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love eating ice soup the day before every pay day.
←Rate | 04-07-2016 05:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you call your boyfriend/girlfriend "bae" one more time, I hope a deer kicks you in the genitals.
←Rate | 04-07-2016 05:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman carries a keg of beer over her shoulder, never question your relationship status....yep she's a keeper!!!
←Rate | 04-07-2016 05:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime I see a mattress on a car, I always think it's a prostitute making a house call.
←Rate | 04-07-2016 05:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging people by their race and sex is wrong, I wish you privileged white males would get that!
←Rate | 04-07-2016 05:45 by MWC Comments (2)  


   messageicon Anything can be toilet paper if you're brave enough
←Rate | 04-06-2016 22:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh man, all nation are drunk crazies.
←Rate | 04-06-2016 21:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heart pounding, pupils dilated, fingers trembling, dry mouth, sweaty palms, rising feeling of panic... Where the hell has my phone gone?
←Rate | 04-06-2016 19:49 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon After all the eating I have done this winter, I am happy to report my flip-flops still fit.
←Rate | 04-06-2016 18:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the right to vote was taken away from anyone convicted of a fenoly we would never have another democrat president again.
←Rate | 04-06-2016 18:24 Comments (2)  


   messageicon snapchat is creating it's own brand of human beings separate from the rest of us, people who think dog filters and squished faces are cool
←Rate | 04-06-2016 12:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may be mean but at least I use my fcuking blinker.
←Rate | 04-06-2016 09:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
←Rate | 04-05-2016 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really think that our Presidential Election is going to be decided by a "Yo Momma" competition on Comedy Central.
←Rate | 04-05-2016 15:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My thoughts are with all of the crooks, fraudsters, politicians, super rich elite, celebrities and athletes during these difficult times. #PanamaLeaks
←Rate | 04-05-2016 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
←Rate | 04-05-2016 13:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
←Rate | 04-05-2016 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one wished me a Happy Birthday today. But then, today isn't my birthday either.
←Rate | 04-05-2016 09:20 Comments (0)  




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