Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon North Korea only has 28 websites. Even worse, the list includes MySpace & 27 Kim Jong-un fan pages.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the Mayor of North Carolina: Corey Feldman could clear the streets with one song.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:08 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sometimes I worry my wife will exclaim "let's go vegan!" and I'll have to sneak out in the middle of the night and take the kids with me.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed “You’re psychic” to “You’re psycho.”
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Angelina Jolie has had her breasts removed, her ovaries removed, her Fallopian tubes removed....and a large Pitt.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who decided that the phrase should be “I’m getting dressed” instead of the more masculine “I’m getting trousered”?
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know 4.8 billion people own mobile phones whereas only 4.2 billion own a toothbrush.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 16:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach offer unwanted advice in related Facebook groups all day.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 15:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... OK ... Let me get this straight ... The best way to honor a poor dude who got shot by cops is smash store windows to get your new Flat Screens and new iPhone 7's .... Did I get this correct?
←Rate | 09-22-2016 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Must be hard playing Wheel of Fortune in Canada when everybody is constantly saying "A"
←Rate | 09-22-2016 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... I remember way back when parents and schools made it a point to teach kids how to behave around cops ... and hardly anybody got shot by police ....... Boy were we weird.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... Don't do Crime .... Don't resist Arrest ..... Follow the Officers orders .... Won't get Shot!
←Rate | 09-22-2016 14:41 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Trying to eat healthier. Anyone know how many beers I have to drink to get all my daily vitamins?
←Rate | 09-22-2016 13:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 13:11 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to join the Army. The sign said "Be all that you can be." They told me it wasn't enough.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 13:10 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't listen to Billy Joel's piano man. It turns out that making love to your Tonic & Gin will get you thrown out of the bar.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 11:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who is this Feat. person and why does he appear on so many songs?
←Rate | 09-22-2016 10:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It may be raining now but it will brighten up later on today. What time are you available?
←Rate | 09-22-2016 05:15 by A ray of sunshine Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you give up in life, remember that the hair in your anus grows despite it's environment. So stay strong and never give up.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With Hillary dropping in the polls, everyone needs to stop telling the truth about her as soon as possible if she is going to win
←Rate | 09-21-2016 18:24 Comments (2)  




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