Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1138 of 6383
I don't appreciate how quickly you agree when I admit that I'm imperfect.
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08-03-2016 05:01
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How To Tell If Your Kid Is Doing Drugs: 1. Are your drugs missing?!?!
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08-03-2016 05:00
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If someone lets me out in front of them in traffic, as I merge in, I give them the finger just to see the look of pure confusion on their face.
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08-03-2016 04:58
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Porn is more American than apple pie! Mostly because apple pie is Dutch.
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08-03-2016 04:57
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Might not be a master of romance. But I do know ladies enjoy it when I sing Obsession by Animotion while I'm hiding in their closet.
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08-03-2016 04:56
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Autocorrect changing "restaurant" to "restraint" can really ruin the asking a girl on a date experience.
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08-03-2016 04:55
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Just cause your sister or brother says you're a poopie head doesn't mean you're a poopie head.
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08-03-2016 04:53
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You've officially reached middle age when purchasing new cleaning products gives you goosebumps.
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08-03-2016 04:52
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Sweaty in the streets and still sweaty in the sheets.
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08-03-2016 04:51
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If you leave a dream catcher in the rain, does it become a wet dream catcher
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08-03-2016 02:03 by @DJPhatJ
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why do people say" I know you like the back of my hand"? who really knows anything about the back of their hand?
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08-03-2016 00:20
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A giant asteroid might destroy Earth! Unfortunately, it won’t get here until 2135, so it looks like I still have to do the dishes.
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08-02-2016 21:34
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Single men never get fat because they eat half of their cooking...... The other half is usually stick to the pan.
Mommy Mommy , I don't want to go see grandma .. Shut up and keep digging !
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08-02-2016 18:58
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I hope the person who invented the 5-day work week, with only a 2-day weekend, died alone and poor.
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08-02-2016 18:33
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Snorted 2 lines of pre-workout powder and now my apartment is decorated for Christmas..
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08-02-2016 16:08
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Obama just said Trump is unfit to be President. ..Well aint that the pot calling the kettle black...
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08-02-2016 13:41
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when more people get silent electric cars pokemon go becomes a different game!
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08-02-2016 11:32
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Cable Company Rep: Okay, sir. You ordered the premium cable service, land line phone, and high speed internet. Would you like our WiFi too? Me: Oh, no. No way. Absolutely not! Cable Company Rep: Sir, I said our WiFi not our wife.
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08-02-2016 09:38 by Fazzella
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Behind every boss there are employees wondering if going to prison for felony assault would really be all that bad...
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08-02-2016 09:30
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