Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1137 of 6383
You know you're getting old when the price of tomatoes intrigues you.
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08-03-2016 15:33
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Writing silly jokes here instead of calling my parents to find out how they've been these past 3 months. Am I still in the running for the Child Of The Year award?
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08-03-2016 15:32
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Dinner by candlelight: for her it's romantic, for me it's about shadow puppets.
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08-03-2016 15:30
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You're only as stupid as the idiot you're arguing with....
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08-03-2016 15:29
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I'll never force my child into religion. When the right time comes, I'll explain to him/her the differences, and then he/she can choose between Star Trek and Star Wars.
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08-03-2016 15:22
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It's okay password, I'm insecure too...
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08-03-2016 11:55 by Rich McC
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Antibiotics could be considered a performance enhancing drug at this year's Olympics.
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08-03-2016 11:21
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Hillary Clinton should be the first f-president. I was going to say female but somebody deleted the 'emale'.
Trump and Hillary are on the same plane. Plane crashes, who survives? America
Everyone says they're going to move to Canada if their candidate doesn't win, what the hell is wrong with Mexico?
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08-03-2016 10:52
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Please disregard my one Sharpie eyebrow. There was a gray hair incident I'd rather not speak of.
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08-03-2016 05:19
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Driver's Ed doesn't prepare you for the heartache of never finding out if the fry you dropped between the seats was the best one in the box.
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08-03-2016 05:14
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Pretty sure the guy who drives the train at the children's park spends much of his day wondering what went wrong.
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08-03-2016 05:12
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At this very moment, somewhere in America, a black Prius is slowing someone down in the fast lane.
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08-03-2016 05:11
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Miss the 1980's, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before Mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.
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08-03-2016 05:10
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August is National Catfish Month. Some of you should celebrate.
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08-03-2016 05:08
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Getting hyped for the weekend is soooo mainstream.
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08-03-2016 05:07
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I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold and put their laundry away the same day.
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08-03-2016 05:07
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Always buy those nonprofit charity run tshirts from Goodwill so people will think I care about stuff.
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08-03-2016 05:06
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Wish the girls who rejected me in High School could see how many Pokemon I've caught.
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08-03-2016 05:02
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