Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1136 of 6447

Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
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09-29-2016 22:34 by Aaron
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If my roof ever catches on fire, I’ll have trouble not repeating myself when I call 911.
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09-29-2016 18:24
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Heck .... Considering what we know now it is evident that Osama Bin Laden would probably still alive if he had donated to Hillary's Clinton Foundation .... Just sayin'
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09-29-2016 16:32
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"Where are you?" must be the least used phrase in sign language

it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?

My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
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09-29-2016 15:40
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strongly suspects that Lester Holt got his journalism degree from the University of Phoenix.
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09-29-2016 15:04
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A woman's crazy is like an iceberg. 90% of it is not visible.
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09-29-2016 13:00
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Anyway, I didn't see a debate. I saw two grumpy old married people arguing at Wal Mart.
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09-29-2016 11:21 by Fazzella
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Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"
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09-28-2016 23:53 by jitney
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NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election
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09-28-2016 21:08 by Snotty
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All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
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09-28-2016 20:19 by Snotty
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If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
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09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty
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A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.
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09-28-2016 16:15
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she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.
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09-28-2016 15:19
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there is a room in hell where they play an endless loop of every time you told someone you loved them and they didn't say it back
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09-28-2016 14:00
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What's the word for when someone goes 1-100km/h in 7.5 sec in a relationship only to jump out as you engage cruise control?
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09-28-2016 13:04
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Happy 18th birthday Google. You can officially go to a titty bar G ( . ) ( . ) G L E👍

That odd moment when, during the Presidential Debates, one of the candidates takes a moment to promote their book.
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09-27-2016 17:03
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After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.