Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1136 of 6383
It isn't Hillary who I can't stand...it's her fans.
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08-04-2016 12:34
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FOUND CAT: Orange tabby found off River rd. yesterday,,, Approximately 8 lbs,,, No collar,,, Tasted like chicken. .. Please call 892-****
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08-04-2016 11:45 by snotty
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You can only say ''WTF?'' so many times a day until you just decide to start drinking.
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08-04-2016 10:00
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Trump or Hillary? Top socket or bottom socket?
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08-04-2016 09:53
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A woman would always comment LAMO on my posts. I finally said, "It's LMAO." She goes, "No, I mean LAMO, as in, "Your jokes are Lame-o!" (Okay, I made that up but let's face it, my jokes are so dry I have to serve water with them.)
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08-04-2016 09:20 by Fazzella
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If I'm ever found dead in the mountains with a pair of hiking sandals on my feet, know that I was murdered & made to wear some dork's shoes.
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08-04-2016 07:37 by huck
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The saying "More than one way to skin a cat" Probably came from a Chinese food restaurant owner
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08-04-2016 04:33 by @DJPhatJ
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Of course I play volleyball. In fact I’m very good at it. Just give me the damn racket and I show yow you...
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08-04-2016 03:59
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319 million people in the US and somehow after an exhaustive search we ended up with Trump and Hillary! So .... I guess if you want a leader that is full of corruption and deceit you know which one to vote for. Or vote for the other one.
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08-03-2016 23:22
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"Ladies we have no interest in how nice you dress or what your bodies look like, ..... We are only interested in your Brains" ......... Sincerely Yours .... Zombies
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08-03-2016 22:58
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Trump Unfit? Obama entered office without any successful executive experience .... and after Eight Years in Office ..... Will leave .... in the same way .....
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08-03-2016 22:21
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When I meet a woman, I don't care where she works, what she likes to eat, who she's been dating or been married to. I wanna know if we start seeing each other, how long before I no longer have to hold in my f@rts.
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08-03-2016 16:59 by Fazzella
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*Whispers "we should run away together" while petting the neighbor's dog*
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08-03-2016 15:40
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The right 1980's power ballad makes everything better.
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08-03-2016 15:39
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My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
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08-03-2016 15:38
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So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?
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08-03-2016 15:38
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I have a 'Do To' list, it's like a To Do list but filled with malicious intent.
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08-03-2016 15:36
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Some memories hurt. Like that one time I used a plate as a frisbee.
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08-03-2016 15:35
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Don't you hate when you're in bed cuddling yourself and then your hand starts getting frisky when you're not in the mood?
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08-03-2016 15:34
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"What doesn't kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
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08-03-2016 15:33
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