Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 22:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my roof ever catches on fire, I’ll have trouble not repeating myself when I call 911.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 18:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heck .... Considering what we know now it is evident that Osama Bin Laden would probably still alive if he had donated to Hillary's Clinton Foundation .... Just sayin'
←Rate | 09-29-2016 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Where are you?" must be the least used phrase in sign language
←Rate | 09-29-2016 16:17 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?
←Rate | 09-29-2016 15:57 by RomanValentino Comments (0)  


   messageicon My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon strongly suspects that Lester Holt got his journalism degree from the University of Phoenix.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 15:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman's crazy is like an iceberg. 90% of it is not visible.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 13:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyway, I didn't see a debate. I saw two grumpy old married people arguing at Wal Mart.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 11:21 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"
←Rate | 09-28-2016 23:53 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election
←Rate | 09-28-2016 21:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:19 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there is a room in hell where they play an endless loop of every time you told someone you loved them and they didn't say it back
←Rate | 09-28-2016 14:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the word for when someone goes 1-100km/h in 7.5 sec in a relationship only to jump out as you engage cruise control?
←Rate | 09-28-2016 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy 18th birthday Google. You can officially go to a titty bar G ( . ) ( . ) G L E👍
←Rate | 09-28-2016 10:37 by Joseph Robert Comments (1)  


   messageicon That odd moment when, during the Presidential Debates, one of the candidates takes a moment to promote their book.
←Rate | 09-27-2016 17:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.
←Rate | 09-27-2016 15:10 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  




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