Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Cheshire Cat grin on Hillary's face during the debate was her surprise reaction to still being able to remain standing up for 90 minutes.

   .... Hillary reminded me of my condescending Mother in-law and Trump reminded me of my Grumpy Uncle

   "The best kinda 'jobs' are under the table." - Bill Clinton

   I've never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.

   It's ALLOWED not ALOUD you moron.

   Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.

   It took him 5 seconds to talk about Mexico and China. *sigh*

   Liver: Is today your birthday? Me: No. I'm watching the Presidential Debate. Liver: Oh Ok, that makes sense. Please continue!!!

   Let the arguments begin! Oh, debate? We're calling this a debate? Ok, my bad.

   Actually Billy, Mommy and Daddy watch these Debates to determine just how many months or years worth of canned goods and ammunition we should be storing in the cellar.

   COPD is deadly and no one likes dealing with it, whether you are referring to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or the Commission On Presidential Debates.

   Surgeon General warns taking a shot for every lie told in tonight's debate will result in acute alcohol poisoning.

   I can't wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they're jerks

   The Republicans and the Libertarians should merge their Presidential tickets. Then Trump could really talk about his Johnson!

   I hope tonight's the night when we'll finally see a presidential candidate make the jerk-off motion while the other candidate is speaking.

   If you rearrange the letters in the words Faith and Religion, you can make “Microwave.” No, don’t test it or question it, just believe me.

   “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.” ― George Carlin

   My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs @ the end of summer... I've only got 40 lbs to go.

   7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.

   Breaking News: The DOJ has released new guidelines. You can no longer use the term looting when talking about protests. The new PC term is now " Revenge shopping "