Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most …
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:16 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint and made to put her clothes back on.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glad Kim K is ok, heard the whole thing was a mix up, the robbers car broke down and they thought she could hook them up with a Tranny
←Rate | 10-03-2016 12:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50% of Trump supporters are Deplorable, BUT 50% of Hillary supporters are DEPORTABLE !
←Rate | 10-03-2016 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing....
←Rate | 10-03-2016 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine, one will be assigned to you....
←Rate | 10-03-2016 06:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too old for snapchat and too young for Life Alert.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to think Trump vs Hillary is because someone went back in time and stepped on a butterfly, and know where living in a future that was never meant to be
←Rate | 10-03-2016 05:57 by unknown comic Comments (2)  


   messageicon Surprised Kim didn't snapchat the whole Rob thing....:P
←Rate | 10-03-2016 05:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please remember that daylight savings is in one month so you can complain about it on Facebook.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only recently found out that those fold out tables in the men's restrooms are for changing babies and not for napping.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You want to seduce me? Try a little Wicked Game by Chris Isaak.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Plan a romantic evening but instead of rose petals sprinkle a path of grated cheese to the bedroom.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Legally only qualifies as a hootenanny if it takes place in Kentucky or West Virginia.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's wrong that only one company makes the board game "Monopoly."
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I bet Lionel Richie was easy every damn day..." And other thoughts that keep me awake at night.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather watch a murderous horror flick than your wedding video.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who say "only God can judge me" don't know how Twitter trolls work.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just outsmarted by a revolving door but sure, I'll be your baby's godmother.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin....no matter how epic it is.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:20 Comments (0)  




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