Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If your in the grocery store with your new iphone 7 and pay with food stamps don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 17:05 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon These robbers did not need guns, they could have threatened Kim K to put her clothes back on and she would have still fully cooperated.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heard those ruthless and heartless thieves forced Kim K to put her clothes on first before robbing her.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:54 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump loses almost $1 Billion in the 90's and follows the relevant Tax Laws ..... The Nation is Outraged!! .... Hillary can't account for $6 Billion in missing State Department funds during her Tenure as Secretary of State ..... Meh
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most …
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:16 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint and made to put her clothes back on.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 14:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glad Kim K is ok, heard the whole thing was a mix up, the robbers car broke down and they thought she could hook them up with a Tranny
←Rate | 10-03-2016 12:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50% of Trump supporters are Deplorable, BUT 50% of Hillary supporters are DEPORTABLE !
←Rate | 10-03-2016 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing....
←Rate | 10-03-2016 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine, one will be assigned to you....
←Rate | 10-03-2016 06:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too old for snapchat and too young for Life Alert.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to think Trump vs Hillary is because someone went back in time and stepped on a butterfly, and know where living in a future that was never meant to be
←Rate | 10-03-2016 05:57 by unknown comic Comments (2)  


   messageicon Surprised Kim didn't snapchat the whole Rob thing....:P
←Rate | 10-03-2016 05:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please remember that daylight savings is in one month so you can complain about it on Facebook.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only recently found out that those fold out tables in the men's restrooms are for changing babies and not for napping.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You want to seduce me? Try a little Wicked Game by Chris Isaak.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Plan a romantic evening but instead of rose petals sprinkle a path of grated cheese to the bedroom.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Legally only qualifies as a hootenanny if it takes place in Kentucky or West Virginia.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's wrong that only one company makes the board game "Monopoly."
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I bet Lionel Richie was easy every damn day..." And other thoughts that keep me awake at night.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 04:24 Comments (0)  




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