Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1100 of 6384
YOLO is solely responsible for 75% of all teen pregnancies this year.
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09-01-2016 01:57
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Playing dice with squirrels in parks is strictly prohibited.
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09-01-2016 01:56
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Million Dollar Idea: Batting gloves you don't have to adjust and tighten every 30 seconds.
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09-01-2016 01:52
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Love Halloween, seeing all the monsters and the scary imagery. Then I turn off the campaign ads and wait for the trick-or-treaters.
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09-01-2016 01:51
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In 2015 Colorado collected $125 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it.
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09-01-2016 01:50
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Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
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09-01-2016 01:45
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Just saw a hipster carrying around a phone booth.
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09-01-2016 01:44
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Facebook Memories: Here's you and your ex-boyfriend walking your dead dog! PS- It's from the year your dad left.
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09-01-2016 01:43
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Well well well teddy bear at CVS not looking so smug now that you're 75% off.
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09-01-2016 01:42
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Congratulations Leonardo DiCaprio you are now qualified to do Lincoln Town Car commercials!!!
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09-01-2016 01:40
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Donald Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign sounding name, and neither does his daughter "Ivanka."
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09-01-2016 01:39
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If evolution were real you'd think my body would've learned how to be drunk on its own by now.
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09-01-2016 01:38
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Amazed to hear Hooter's had a free wings for mom on Mother's Day because nothing makes mom prouder than letting her know she raised a cheapskate and a perv.
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09-01-2016 01:36
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Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number, I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
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09-01-2016 01:34
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I never turn down email offers, currently my male genitals are 200 feet long.
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09-01-2016 01:33
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I'm 100% convinced that for every sock that is lost in the dryer one comes back as an extra Tupperware lid
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09-01-2016 01:32 by Kewlgreg
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Well it took forever and I almost got beat up but I paid for my Taco Bell fully with all the quarters I found behind the cashier's ear.
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09-01-2016 01:31
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Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening.
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09-01-2016 01:30
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I'm glad it's college football season again, now we have an excuse to drink at 10:00 AM on a Saturday.
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08-31-2016 20:09
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I remember back in the 80s,,, BEFORE the Internet really existed,, that MTV used to randomly Rick Roll everyone.
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08-31-2016 19:56 by Snotty
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