friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   A classic model Bentley owned by Keith Richards sold over the weekend for $1.2 million and features a secret compartment for storing drugs. The compartment is called Keith Richards.

   Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!

   I'd love to hear about your weekend plans just give me a second to put on my airplane neck pillow.

   Anyone going somewhere exciting this weekend to stare at your phone?

   My weekend mood fluctuates between “better get the lawn mowed before it rains” and “Hurry up and rain so I can’t mow the lawn.”

   This weekend raise a glass to your mom since you're why she drinks in the first place.

   The 26.2 sticker in the rear window of my car is to signify how many beers I drink in a typical weekend.

   That channel is all Hawt blonds and old dudes. Every show from Fox news looks like a party scene from Weekend at Bernies

   I had no idea it was black Friday in Baltimore.

   My friend said that he and his wife wanted to swing by this weekend. I said we'd love that. I hope he didn't mean they wanted to swing bi.

   If you watch Friday the 13th backwards, Jason's machete is a magic wand that brings kids back to life and sends them to summer camp...

   Friday the 13th might be an unlucky day, but when you live in the land of bacon, badasses and bald eagles, every day is a lucky day....... ‪#‎America‬

   This weekend seemed to go a little faster than most. :/

   Just what is DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME and Why are we saving so much of it? Why can't the time change kick in on a Friday at 4pm?

   JUDAS: "Still on for friday?" JESUS: "Friday?" JUDAS: "Yeah, you know, the Last Supper" JESUS: "The what?!?" JUDAS: "the Supper, just the Normal Everyday Supper"

   The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I'm going to drink tonight.

   50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans

   50 Shades of Grey beat Sponge Bob at the weekend box office. Sponge Bob could have stayed at number 1 but he refused to remove his square-pants

   Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.

   I think it's logical to hate the player, without players there would be no game and I would have a date for Friday night