father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".

   It's weird how all the floor around my father is made of eggshells.

   Have you ever just stopped and thought... "I was once inside my father's balls" ( ._. )

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't - Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   As a father to 2 sons & a grandfather to 2 grandsons,, I often find myself torn between.. "Don't ever do that again" and " Ahh,Good one!"

   Struggling with Impostor Syndrome a lot lately. I guess I just need to relax, take a breath, and remind myself that my father was the Czar.

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

   it's really inconsiderate of you to be this attaractive if you're not planning on being the father of my future children

   My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

   Whatever happens, Never agree to teach a girl how to ride a bike with her father watching..

   I am dreaming to became rich...just like my father..."is your father rich?" ...no! he is dreaming too

   "Luke, I'm like totally your father. Party on." ~~Garth Vader

   Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father

   Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.

   forgot to put the seat belt on my 8-year-old boy this morning. "You are an irresponsible father!" Someone shouted "Who said that? I shouted. "Stop the car, son."

   my father called me an asswipe, I said the wipe didnt fall far from the ass

   I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.