Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1075 of 6446

I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?

What did a Hillary supporter say to a Trump supporter on Thanksgiving ? - Happy Thanksgiving America ! from a Canada :)
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11-23-2016 11:04
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If I'm ever arrested..my 1 call will be to the police station to tell them about a bomb scare. No way I'm staying there.
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11-23-2016 08:06
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Kanye West is said to be recovering well in hospital after an 8 hour operation to remove his head from his ass.

If evolution is real why are there still monkeys? If Google is real why are there still people asking stupid questions?
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11-23-2016 06:15
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mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas!!!
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11-23-2016 01:54
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Kanye West rushed to hospital with suspected ‘dislocated ego’
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11-22-2016 21:58
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If your #PMSing wife hands you #lemons, you better zest them or make lemonade or she'll stab you & squeeze lemon juice into the open wound.

If putting a straw in a Capri Sun is evidence of my stabbing skills, I hope I'm never in a knife fight.
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11-22-2016 15:55
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Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever and it starts over because it forgot something. That's a five year old kid telling a story.
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11-22-2016 14:19
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Just saw a cop pull over a UHaul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
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11-22-2016 14:17
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Just my luck, first time I get a B.J and it's from a hooker with Asthma !
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11-22-2016 14:16
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[] <- This is my box. I don't want to think outside it, I like my box! No, you can't touch my box! No touchy my box!
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11-22-2016 14:13
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We might be best friends for life, but if we get chased by zombies, I will probably trip you. :)
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11-22-2016 14:12
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Yes ... Stop burning the US flag..... But ALSO stop waving the Mexican flag in America because that's disgusting af
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11-22-2016 11:42
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I just voted for Trump just to make SNL funnier.....
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11-22-2016 11:06
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I establish dominance in a relationship by being a man.
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11-22-2016 10:42
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At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.

Kanye West 'hospitalised in Los Angeles'. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.

A cigarette shortens life by 2 min,a beer shortens life by 4 minutes,a Monday at work shortens life by 8 hours
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11-22-2016 04:49
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