Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?
←Rate | 11-23-2016 11:44 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon What did a Hillary supporter say to a Trump supporter on Thanksgiving ? - Happy Thanksgiving America ! from a Canada :)
←Rate | 11-23-2016 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm ever arrested..my 1 call will be to the police station to tell them about a bomb scare. No way I'm staying there.
←Rate | 11-23-2016 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West is said to be recovering well in hospital after an 8 hour operation to remove his head from his ass.
←Rate | 11-23-2016 06:51 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If evolution is real why are there still monkeys? If Google is real why are there still people asking stupid questions?
←Rate | 11-23-2016 06:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas!!!
←Rate | 11-23-2016 01:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West rushed to hospital with suspected ‘dislocated ego’
←Rate | 11-22-2016 21:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your #PMSing wife hands you #lemons, you better zest them or make lemonade or she'll stab you & squeeze lemon juice into the open wound.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 19:01 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If putting a straw in a Capri Sun is evidence of my stabbing skills, I hope I'm never in a knife fight.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 15:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever and it starts over because it forgot something. That's a five year old kid telling a story.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a cop pull over a UHaul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 14:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just my luck, first time I get a B.J and it's from a hooker with Asthma !
←Rate | 11-22-2016 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [] <- This is my box. I don't want to think outside it, I like my box! No, you can't touch my box! No touchy my box!
←Rate | 11-22-2016 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We might be best friends for life, but if we get chased by zombies, I will probably trip you. :)
←Rate | 11-22-2016 14:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes ... Stop burning the US flag..... But ALSO stop waving the Mexican flag in America because that's disgusting af
←Rate | 11-22-2016 11:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just voted for Trump just to make SNL funnier.....
←Rate | 11-22-2016 11:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I establish dominance in a relationship by being a man.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 10:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 09:19 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West 'hospitalised in Los Angeles'. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 09:17 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cigarette shortens life by 2 min,a beer shortens life by 4 minutes,a Monday at work shortens life by 8 hours
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:49 Comments (0)  




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